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Though we got distracted by the confederacy of fascists hoping to run and burn down the government, we were just rudely reminded their Cantaloupe Leader is still a jabbering madman at a presser where he said the Jan. 6 mob was FBI, Hezbollah and peaceful grandmothers, Biden wants to ban drilling in the "whole ocean," aka 0.7% of it, heaters make us itchy, commies will kill showers, and we should invade Greenland, Panama and Canada because. Post-election Onion headline: "America defeats America."
With a media focused for weeks on the stunningly unqualified" racists, rapists and billionaire crooks the crazy Hitler-elect guy was gleefully choosing to do his bidding - Space Nazi! Mr. Brainworm! - many Americans managed to tamp down the terrifying reality the country had elected a spiteful, sputtering, narcissistic nitwit who can't follow his own train-wreck of thoughts, has no clue and has no fucks to give on the stupendously dumb premise gas and eggs would be cheaper. (They won't.) There were signs, mostly via rabid missives online. During the holidays, he offered an alleged "Merry Christmas" to "the wonderful soldiers of China who are lovingly, but illegally, operating the Panama Canal" making sure we spend "Billions in (and 'repair' work but have nothing to say about 'anything';" to the "Radical Left Lunatics" trying to "obstruct our Courts, Elections, and (our) Great Patriots but, in particular, their Political Opponent, ME"; and to the 37 of 40 Death Row inmates whose sentences Biden commuted - who "killed (and) plundered like virtually no one before them" - with, "GO TO HELL!”
The lamest, thinnest-skin crybaby in history also whined that peanut-farming shit Jimmy Carter deliberately died right before his big party so now flags will be flying at half-staff - he said half-mast, like on a boat - during his inauguration, which Americans "don't want to see." Democrats are "giddy" about the affront to him, he said, "because they don’t love our Country, they only think about themselves," a statement that broke an Irony-o-dometer that's already seen some tough times. Actually, though, Americans seemed to get a kick out of it all: Online, they admired "the final gift" from a good man who "really had a great sense of humor." "The flags don't lie," said one. "His inauguration is a day of mourning."
Still, the bleak, crass, cognitively impaired reality "came roaring back" at Tuesday's press conference at Mar-A-Hell-Go where, lathered in thick clown make-up, he resurrected his ghastly shtick, per Jeff Tiedrich, as "An Elderly Golfer Wrong About Everything." Given the date, his Jan 6 "Day of Love" was a key topic. Of course it's already been revised by faux-outraged Republicans who, after the dark day, blasted the "Capitol Chaos" and "Sad Day For America" as "disgraceful," "despicable," "repugnant,' "un-American." That was then, this is now. Lickspittle Georgia Rep. Mike Collins dreamily recalls #ThisDayInHistory when "thousands of peaceful grandmothers gathered in Washington, D.C. to take a self-guided, albeit unauthorized, tour of the U.S. Capitol building." After the Trump rally, he asserts, "supporters walked to the Capitol to peacefully protest (the) 2020 election. During this time, some individuals entered the Capitol, took photos, and explored the building before leaving." Since then, he adds, they've been "treated unjustly" while millions of immigrants invade.SAD!
"Are you fucking kidding me?" shrieks JojofromJerz on the GOP "disappearing an insurrection." "Look - over there! An invisible trans furry imigrant wants to eat your pets and use your bathroom!!" As to their claim there's no point in "reliving the events of the past," she notes these are the "same Confederate flag-flying, single-tooth, thesaurus-phobic fucksticks who still can’t 'get over' losing the Civil fucking War." "It was a dark day we ALL saw, and heard, and lived....We are being gaslit." Asked about his promised pardons, though, Trump happily stepped through the Looking Glass. "Well, we're looking at it," he babbled. Verbatim: "We have other people in there, and as you see I guess 24 or 28 people came from the FBI, that came out, very quietly, nobody reported it, they had 4 or 5 people that were strongly related to the FBI and we have to find out about that, we have to find out about Hezbollah... We have to find out about just who exactly was in that whole thing." FBI, Hezbollah, peaceful grandmothers, Day of Love, that whole thing: What a time was had by all.
Equally unintelligibly, he lurched to other matters. A lifetime germaphobe, he landed on one of his favorite fetishes - evil environmentalists." Verbatim again: "These people are crazy, there's something wrong with them...They also want to go back, and they have already started that, so when you buy a faucet, no water comes out...Even in areas that have so much water, you don't know what to do. It's called rain. It comes down (from) heaven. And they want to do - no water comes out of the shower. It goes drip...drip...drip.....They want to go back to even stronger than what they have right now...Makes no difference. It comes weird, especially in certain areas...We have so much water, we don't know what to do with it."
Though he evidently relishes the water in showers, toilets etc, he's indifferent to the devastation of the lakes and oceans that provide much of it. He trashed Biden's effort to bar off-shore oil drilling in 625 million acres of water with, "625 million acres... That's like the whole ocean." Not: 625 million acres is 0.7% of the 88 billion acres of ocean. Virtually ignoring the reality that oil badly pollutes our oceans and dangerously continues the reliance on and damage from fossil fuels, his spokesperson called Biden's decision "disgraceful” and (somehow) "designed to exact political revenge on the American people...Rest assured, Joe Biden will fail, and we will drill, baby, drill." Because stupid is as stupid does.
The bread-and-circus idiocracy truly came into focus, however, when Great Leader started outlining his imperialist plans to take over several sovereign nations, spouting nonsensical "arguments" that resembled, like any unhinged, megomaniacal toddler with daddy issues asked why he spread peanut butter all over the living room, because I can. It's not that surprising: He's been making empire-building noises for a while within a reckless, bellicose party of hubris-bloated billionaires who somehow still believe in American exceptionalism; when one was reprimanded with, "The U.S. is not an expansionist military power," he retorted, "Why not?" Similarly, possible loose-cannon Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, asked about Ukraine, blithely dismissed the danger of Putin invading other Eastern European countries if he isn't stopped there. "It feels like Putin's give-me-my-shit-back war," he said. "We used to have the Soviet Union, and Ukraine was part of it, and I want my shit back." Now, it seems, little Donnie is following the bold lead of his mentor. And so to Greenland.
Former Trump officials say he got so fixated on Greenland after a billionaire "friend" suggested "acquiring" it that National Security Council staff, as ordered, spent months looking into it, never mind Denmark's insisted it's not for sale and pushing the issue could alienate both Greenlanders and Danes, who host a U.S. military base. Still, Trump keeps yammering about taking it over for "national security purposes," spouting "facts" like Truman trying to buy it in 1867 though that was 17 years before he was born. Asked in his presser if he could "assure the world" he wouldn't use military force to invade Greenland or Panama (see Chinese soldiers) he quickly said no. Then he went to rant online: "This is a deal that must happen...We will protect it, and cherish it, from a very vicious outside World. MAGA! MAKE GREENLAND GREAT AGAIN!” Then he sent his idiot son and "reps" to sightsee his new almost-acquisition, braying "it's big MAGA country" and "the reception was great," at least from one MAGA guy he re-posted who turned out to be a big-shot drug dealer who'd done a lot of time.
When Junior went to a restaurant - 17 phones in the air - Trump called in to greet the patrons and insist we need to take over their country because there are “ships sailing around and they’re not the right ships.” Uh huh. Little Donnie Jr. fled the first day - no coke there? - but said it was was an "incredible experience" even if "Danish fake news (was) doing a lot of anti-American sentiment," maybe because just 4% of Danes preferred Trump to Harris. "We do not like the Trump crime family," one wrote," and the drug-addict son of a rapist pedophile convicted felon racist Nazi traitor visiting Greenland is not well liked." Hilariously, expert say Trump's invasion mania may stem from the fact that he doesn't "understand how maps work." The Mercator projection for map-making distorts the size of land masses near the poles on flat surfaces, making them look far larger than they are to, say, a crowd-size-obsessed tinpot dictator "That," says one appalled journalist, "is the level that American foreign policy is about to be operating on."
Fat Napoleon, nonetheless, waddles on. Having already trolled Justin Trudeau as "Governor," he's shared two outlandish maps online of Canada incorporated into the U.S, the whole splashed with "United States of America," prompting one Canadian to call him "an imbecile (with) the maturity of a petulant six-year-old child." Canada's Liberal Party responded with their own map "for anyone who may be confused": it shows a map of North America labeled "United States" and "Not Untied States." And from one MP: "Canada has something called 'democracy.' 'It means the leader is accountable to Parliament and can be replaced....And convicted sexual abusers don't get to lead our nation. We're decent folk."
Trump's final, incognizant purchase: "Mexico’s in alotta trouble. Very dangerous place...Pretty soon, we're going to change - because we do most of the work there, it’s ours. We’re going to be changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America, which has a beautiful ring. The Gulf of America." One response: "Someone shoot me." Another: "This is Caligula-naming-his-horse-a-consul level stuff."Even some Repubs hedged: "There are a number of issues he’s raised that we’ll get a chance to consider." But Texas Rep. Brandon Gill loved it all - Panama, Greenland, Mexico, America's "golden age." "This is the new Manifest Destiny," he crowed. "This is the light of America expanding." This is also the malignant moron who called America "a horrible place," said electric heaters "make people itch," blamed Gov. Newsom for California's wildfires, is bullying SCOTUS to ignore the law, is avowing, "I did nothing wrong. I won all those cases," and has jumped the rails before he's begun. Aaron Rupar on the presser, a bad taste of his reign: "That was fucking crazy. Congrats, America."
Classy Update: Danish news outlet DR claims that Trump’s aides “bribed” homeless and poor Greenlanders with dinners in return for acting as MAGA supporters during Junior's pointless visit this week.
Grotesquely, profanely, the U.S. government just approved another $8 billion in arms to Israel for its genocide in Gaza, where babies are freezing to death - parents find them "cold as ice," "stiff like a board" - famine lurks - "Hunger is everywhere" - families huddle in torn tents, toddlers caught in blasts have their legs amputated, and Israeli soldiers unwind at a resort with cotton candy. Gazans plead that the world "look at us with mercy"; Biden sent billions more to kill, maim, freeze, starve them.
In its final days, "violating US and international law one last time on their way out," the Biden administration said it will send a deadly arsenal of medium-range missiles, long range projectile artillery shells, Hellfire AGM-114 missiles, 500-pound bombs and other weapons of annihilation to help Israel continue murdering children, doctors, journalists, aid workers and other civilians, perhaps in hopes of getting the deaths of innocents to 46,000, a nice round number. Outrage greeted the news as "willful madness" from a "morally bankrupt" president who doggedly refused to use his power to urge a ceasefire, instead persisting in feeding the genocidal fire. "Only racists who do not view people of color as equally human, and sociopaths who delight in funding mass slaughter" could keep abetting Netanyahu as he "exterminates the last survivors," said CAIR. From one Palestinian-American activist, "Too many kids still alive in Gaza for Joe Biden's liking."
To many, what filmmaker Adam McKay calls the "blood spattered madness" is final sorry proof of the failings of a spineless Democratic party so afraid to take a stand - or even call genocide by its name - it stays silent before war crimes committed daily for over a year. To one critic, Biden encapsulates the Party, "this sundowning butcher, this lamest of lame ducks, doddering out of the Rose Garden to press the KILL MORE PALESTINIANS button for the 100th time." Their complicity, in turn, has spurred Israel to ever viler lows. In a letter last week, eight rightwing Israeli lawmakers urged Defense Minister Israel Katz to wrap up the genocide already with "elimination" of all energy sources, food sources and "anyone who moves in the area and does not exit with a white flag." When those actions are completed, they argue, the IDF "must enter gradually and conduct a full cleansing of the enemy nests."
Toward that end, how will Biden's $8 billion help? Let us count the grisly ways.
The $8 billion will serve to perpetuate the Israeli lie of "safe" or "humanitarian" zones amidst the carnage, like the "safe zone" of al-Mawasi along the southern coast; known as "the Basket of Food" for its fertile soil, sweet water and bountiful farming, it's now a vast displacement camp for hundreds of thousands told to go shelter there. In recent weeks, it's been hit by relentless Israeli warplanes and artillery; each no-warning, pre-dawn attack kills 7, 71, a family of 15, the Chief of Gaza's police, all buried under rubble or "shredded to pieces." In the chaos and dark of one attack, with terrified children running and crying, one resident tried to hide his paralyzed 80-year-old father, but soldiers found him and shot him dead. In another, a young woman thrown by the blast lay in the street, seemingly dead; survivors felt a faint breath and carried her to the hospital, where a medic eventually told them she had a fractured spine and could only move her eyes.
Biden's $8 billion will facilitate Israel's strikes in central Gaza. One just killed at least 26 people, including eight members of a committee who worked to secure aid convoys. In al-Maghazi, where strikes have killed up to 100 at a time, a young medic was called to a targeted civilian vehicle that held a dead woman and three injured children, one a 10-year-old boy bleeding internally and vomiting blood. The medic worked to stabilize the boy till they got him to the hospital; then he went back for the dead woman. When he uncovered her face, he saw it was his mother; shrapnel had pierced her eye, exiting through her skull. Hours earlier, she'd prepared him tea and a sandwich for work, telling him when he left to take care. In another strike on Jabalia, journalist Mohammad Hijazi was one of nearly 90 killed. "I refuse a cheap death,” he wrote in August. "l count the days we have lived as a historic achievement, while awaiting what is coming with (a) spirit that fights until the end of the road.”
Biden's $8 billion will likely embolden the war crime that has been Israel's pitiless destruction of Gaza's health system, its recent attack on and razing of Kamal-Adwan, the last functioning hospital in the north, and the arrest of Dr. Hussam Abu Safiya, the 51-year-old pediatrician and director of the hospital who for months had kept it barely running while repeatedly refusing Israeli orders to leave. A "model of patience and rigor" and "the voice of Gaza's decimated health sector,” Abu Safiya had long pleaded for aid in increasingly distraught videos - "Instead of receiving aid, we received tanks" - while recording horrors like a bloodied intensive care unit, windows blown out, where shrapnel had shattered a nurse's skull. He'd also seen his 15-year-old son Ibrahim killed in a drone strike at the hospital gate - Israel's punishment of him for refusing to leave, he charged - and been badly wounded by shrapnel in November as he exited the operating room.
On Dec. 27, Israeli forces raided and set fire to the hospital, forced staff and patients out, ordered them to strip, beat or detained many, and after denying it, acknowledged they'd arrested Abu Safiya.for "suspected involvement in terrorist activities," aka saving hundreds of innocent lives. The last surreal images of the doctor show him trudging through rubble, still in white coat, and entering an Israeli tank to politely negotiate with murderers. Euro-Med Human Rights Monitor has reports he was brought to a field interrogation site in Jabalia, made to strip, whipped with thick wire, and taken to brutal Sde Teyman prison. His family has urged his release "before it's too late"; his wife said soldiers told him and other staff they'd be taken to Indonesian Hospital to care for patients, but "the Israelis were telling us lies." Euro-Med says they've heard Abu Safiya's health has deteriorated; they have called for his release and warned his life is in danger "due to torture."
Evidently unbeknownst to an $8 billion-wielding U.S. administration, meanwhile, countless more Gazan lives remain in danger. Palestinian authorities say at least 3,500 children are at risk of starving, a quarter of Gaza's population faces "catastrophic" levels of food insecurity, and the entire population is enduring "acute food insecurity." Given ongoing Israeli blockades, aid workers say they're only able to bring in about a third of the basic food that's needed, and "hunger is everywhere." So is winter, with its cold, wind and, for the last few weeks, rains that have flooded hundreds of thin, tattered tents that are "nothing more than plastic bags" where thousands huddle without heat, fuel, food, electricity, or enough clothes or blankets. And still the bombings go on: In recent weeks, especially in the north, Israeli forces have launched over 100 strikes in three days, killing over 200, still mostly women and children, now shivering in tents.
Most gruesomely, America's $8 billion - which God knows could be used for how many thousands of shelters, blankets, mattresses, pillows, coats, toys, hot meals, new schools and other niceties of life - will allow more infants to freeze to death. The ghastly headlines tell of it: "20-Day-Old Baby Dies of Cold in Gaza," "Another Baby Freezes to Death," "Gaza Baby Freezes to Death as Israel Kills 88 Palestinians In A Day." Children, particularly infants, suffer the most from winter's hardships: Their small bodies, which generate less body heat, are illl-equipped to fight off the cold, especially when they're already weakened by hunger. Dr. Ahmed al-Farra, at Nasser hospital, sees more than five cases a day of children, usually infants under a month old, suffering from hypothermia. Most, he says, can be treated and saved. But some arrive in "extremely critical condition," and can't be. To date, the youngest to die has been three days old.
Most of those who've died were in al-Mawasi's “humanitarian zone,” living on a beach with brutal winds in gossamer tents with no food and sparse blankets. Aisha, Yousef, Sila. Four children shared 2 blankets, a family of eight shared four. Tents that "feel like a refrigerator." Weeping mothers: “He slept next to me and in the morning I found him frozen and dead." "Her face and lips were blue - she looked like a piece of ice.” "We can't even warm ourselves, we can't warm our children." Yahya al-Batran, 39, woke to his wife Noura screaming after she found 20-day-old Jumaa and his twin brother Ali frozen on the morning of Dec. 29. Jumaa was "stiff, like a piece of wood, his head cold as ice.” Ali was breathing slowly. They rushed both infants to Al-Aqsa Hospital in Deir al-Balah. Jumaa was already dead. Ali survived, but died the next day. "Look at his color - do you see how frozen he is?" asks their father. "My children are dying in front of my eyes."
Biden's $8 billion also comes too late to do anything useful for Hanan al-Daqqi, three, or her 22-month-old sister Misk, who have spent four months in Al-Aqsa Hospital after an Israeli strike on their house funded by earlier American billions killed their mother Shaima, hurling her body onto a neighbor's house, and tore through both little girls' legs. Hanan, who'd been in her mother's lap, had to have both legs amputated, one above the knee, one below; she also had wounds to her face and intestines, and needed surgery to remove part of her bowels. Misk had her left foot amputated. Their father Mohammed, 31, was in intensive care for two weeks with a brain haemorrhage and chest injuries, and had several fingers amputated. The strike on Sept. 3 came the day after Shaima, who'd been so terrified for her daughters she could barely eat or sleep for months, had taken them for polio vaccines, determined they would at least have that protection.
Their father’s sister Shefa al-Daqqi, 28, who'd been on the phone with their mother when the blast hit, has been caring for her nieces. A mother of three, she alternates with their grandmother and their uncle, who stays with them at night, brings them little treats and takes them on tours of the hospital. Shefa has brought in her daughter Hala, also three, who used to play with Hanan. The first time, she painfully recalls, "I'll never forget Hanan’s look. She would stare at Hala’s legs and then at her own amputated legs, confused." Both girls cling to their aunt in fear and panic; Hanan sometimes asks, "Where's Mama?" or "Where did my legs go?" She tries to comfort them, telling them their mother's in heaven, but she broods about what to say the inevitable day when Hanan, who especially loved getting dressed up, asks for pretty dresses or shoes. "Look at what happened to our children," she mourns. "There's no future. There's no childhood."
Happily for Israeli soldiers, though, thanks to Biden's billions there is espresso, massage, barbecue, spiritual retreat and "sweet cotton-candy at the heart of the valley of killings" at a posh holiday resort where about 200 IDF soldiers can chill every ten days of their slaughter service. In the Israeli Ynet, reporter Yoav Zitun describes a destination spa with cafe, lounge, video games, popcorn machines, a desalination facility, meat on an eternal grill, a "hotel breakfast" with Belgian waffles and ice cream when it's wam where, "We make dreams come true for soldiers." Of this "bubble in a concentration camp," alongside kids scavenging for water or a scrap of food and dogs eating human body parts in the ravaged streets, one sage cites Zionism's "extraordinary talent for training its faithful to see only what serves its purposes while erasing everything else." In Gaza, it's not enough to simply erase Palestinians: "Israel must invent an entire alternate reality."
America's newest $8 billion contribution to an increasingly normalized genocide and its bloody, barbarous, macabre delusions will ensure more of the same. As Gazans plead for mercy and reason from an uncaring world, they in truth know and say they have "nothing but God." And still the bombs fall. On Monday, they killed Dr. Thabat Saleem, a volunteer neo-natal doctor who worked "tirelessly" for nearly a year, she was killed in an Israeli strike on her house in Nuseirat refugee camp. 28 Palestinians were killed in another strike; 40 were injured when a drone bombed a school sheltering hundreds of displaced people; several more were injured when Israel fired at a clearly marked aid convoy and a food distribution site as nobody blinked. And an eighth Gazan baby, Yousef Ahmad, froze to death in a tent. He was 35 days old.
IImam Abu Suaied prays over the bodies of Jumaa and another baby who died at birth in Deir el-Balah (Photo by Abdel Kareem Hana/AP)
At the fraught start of an apocalyptic new year, we find a slight, weird sliver of hope in the improbable survival of Sweden's Gävle Goat, a massive straw goat that sanguine residents have built each Christmas since 1966 but that malevolent humanity has, most years, implacably destroyed. Typically, they burn him down; he's also been beaten, run over, bird-pecked to collapse and shot with flaming arrows by perps dressed as Gingerbread Men. But this year, he boasts, "Still standing!"
Because we are a mystifying species with often-impenetrable rituals, the Yule Goat is erected each year on the first day of Advent at Slottstorget in the center of Gävle, about a hundred miles north of Stockholm. A 45-foot-high replica of a Northern European Christmas symbol, Gävlebocken seems to have sprung from German paganism fused with Norse tradition. He is based on ancient proto-Slavic beliefs that honor Devac (Dažbog), the god of the harvest and fertile sun, typically depicted as a white goat; he also celebrates Devac's bestie the Norse god Thor, who rode the sky in a chariot drawn by two goats, Tanngrisnir and Tanngnjóstr. By tradition, the last sheaf of grain bundled in the harvest is imbued with magical properties that symbolize the sacred spirit of the harvest. In today's late-stage capitalism, the goat just brings presents.
While the Goat may have originated in Söder, a neighborhood in Stockholm, local historians in Gävle say he was conceived - and drawn on a pastry shop napkin - by their merchants, either ad man Stig Gavlén, trader Harry Ström, or Inga Ivarsson, whose family had already created the world's largest chair and skis so why not a goat. Local firemen grabbed the napkin drawing and ran with it, the highly flammable beginning of "a long, unfortunate relationship between the Gävle Goat and the local fire department." On Dec. 1 in 1966, the first Goat was laboriously put into place; it weighed three tons. On New Year’s Eve, at midnight, the goat went up in flames. The perpetrator was caught and charged with vandalism, but it was the first of many such grim fates for Gävlebocken: In 57 years and incarnations, he's survived intact till New Year's Day just 19 times.
The Goat's long litany of affronts is part Book of Job, part Laurel and Hardy. In 1970, he lasted just six hours before being set on fire by two drunk teenagers. In 1972, he imploded due to unknown sabotage. In I973, a local man stole him and put him up in his backyard; the thief got two years in prison. In 1976, a student rammed him with his sweet Volvo 122, causing the hind legs to collapse. In 1979, someone burned him down before he was put up. A reprieve: In 1985 he first entered the Guinness Book of Records as the world's largest goat. In 1987, he was "heavily impregnated" with fire retardants but still burned down. In 1988, he survived, prompting bookies to start betting on survival odds. In 1990, volunteer guards began patrolling, leading to several peaceful years; the town also installed a live web-cam, further ensuring tranquility. Briefly.
In 1995, a Norwegian crossed the border and tried to burn him down, but failed. In 2001, after growing publicity, a tourist from Cleveland, Ohio was arrested for torching him; he said he thought it was a legal tradition. In 2005, "unknown vandals" dressed as Santa Clauses and Gingerbread Men shot flaming arrows at the Goat; a few days later they were featured on Sweden’s TV3 "Most Wanted" program. In 2008, after many chemical immersions, officials decided to skip drenching his straw in fire retardants because they made the goat look ugly, "like a brown terrier." Intrigued arsonists failed twice; a third succeeded. The next year, goat-burners were so determined they first hacked the webcam, launching a denial of service to knock it offline before they did the fiery deed. They were never caught. More fences and guards were added.
Gävlebocken survived intact in 2010, despite a reported plot by "two mysterious men" to kidnap him using a helicopter after first trying to bribe the security guard. In 2011, he prevailed only five days; in 2012, the fire "started it his left hind leg"; in 2014, the Goat went to China to visit their sister city Zhuhai; in 2016, he was burned to the ground a few hours after a grand 50th birthday party. Except for the hackers, the indignities were typically visited upon the Goat - beaten with clubs, hit by vintage cars, legs singed or collapsed, vicious online responses to the latest conflagration: "Cook him to nothing but ashes" - by less than stellar, often sooty miscreants. After one perp was detained by a guard, the local press reported he was "quickly identified" because he had "a singed face, smelled of gasoline, and was holding a lighter in his hand."
Arson as a Christmas Tradition: The Gävle Goat
Gävlebocken has also been beset by envious wannabees. For years he's been challenged by a Yule Goat built by the Natural Science Club of the School of Vasa; when their goat Little Brother failed to make it into Guinness, they began making it bigger and bigger, and in 1985 they made the world record. Of course Stig Gavlén, the reported creator of the original, was graceful in defeat. Just kidding: He argued the Science Club's goat shouldn't have won because he wasn't as attractive as Gävlebocken, and his neck was too long. In 2016, Little Brother got to take Gävlebocken's place after he was burned down, but then Little Brother got hit by a car. Several years, both goats have been torched. By now, given its grievous history, Yule Goats of any variety have come to be viewed as "perhaps the world's most endangered animal."
In 2022, Gävlebocken encountered a new nemesis. Due to Sweden's unusually wet summer, the straw had more grain stuck to it, and flocks of jackdaw birds descended to peck him into ragged squalor. After the assault, the city's Goat Committee - yes, there is one - held an emergency meeting, but decided to take no further action. Citing the good will of Christmas, they said they didn't want to hurt or frighten away birds just following their hungry instincts, so the Goat would "continue to spread that Christmas spirit." On his X account - yes, he has one - Gävlebocken gloated, "I did not go down without a fight." In fact, many of hisposts have that snarky-bro ring: "I'm the one and only," "Halfway through and this goat is still looking good," "I know, I'm hard to resist," "I made it!", "Looks aren't everything but I have them just in case."
Still, the bluster is understandable: Sweden's "arson goat" reigns. The live goat-cam has over 14,000 subscribers; it even has a live chat. There are still people tracking and betting on his market value and survival odds; this year's started at a 6% chance to make it to New Year's. A website offers merch, from a Kidnapped Christmas sweater complete with helicopter to a burning goat tree ornament: "To die for you is my greatest honor." Online - "Get notified if the Gävle Goat is burning!" - people update, monitor, speculate: "It's goat-burning season! What's it gonna be? Fire? Automobile? Hungry birds?" "Security guard caught smoking," "Only 27 hours left - will the Gävle Goat survive?" Reddit (category: "Goats in the News") ranges from optimists - "Still holding on this year" - to sadists: "The destruction of this goat is my favorite holiday tradition."
What's the draw of an event that comes down to, If you build it, they will come to burn it down? To some, it symbolizes "the eternal battle between goat-erectors and goat-burners," between the forces of commercialization and "the primeval urge to set something huge on fire because the sun has disappeared and who knows when it’s coming back." Perps are "possessed by the spirit of our pagan ancestors" who want to "bring warmth and light back into the universe, one goat at a time." After a year "like the world’s worst mashup of the real housewives of New Jersey and the show Jackass," a war over a large straw goat has a certain wholesome, guileless allure. It could, and likely soon will be, much worse. This year, thanks to a double fence, 24-hour guards and better straw, the Gävle Goat still stands. If he can survive vandals in benign-looking costumes shooting flaming arrows at him, maybe we can too.
We pay homage to Jimmy Carter, a profoundly decent man, devoted peacemaker, and unwavering human rights advocate who "redefined what a post-presidency could be" over decades of acting on his principles, and thus "taught all of us what it means to live a life of grace, dignity, justice, and service." Carter died at his home in Plains, Georgia at age 100. A heartfelt tribute from one grateful American: "Rest well, Good Man. You earned it."
The only Georgian ever elected to the White House, Carter took office in the sordid shadow of Watergate's lies and quickly promised voters he would always tell the truth. "And he did, consequences be damned," wrote Barack Obama. "He believed some things were more important than reelection - things like integrity, respect, and compassion." Noting that Carter "believed, as deeply as he believed anything, that we are all created in God’s image," Obama quoted Carter's 2002 acceptance speech for the Nobel Peace Prize: "God gives us the capacity for choice. We can choose to alleviate suffering. We can choose to work together for peace." Added Obama, "He made that choice again and again over the course of his 100 years, and the world is better for it."
On the second day of his four years in office, Carter pardoned all Vietnam War draft evaders. In foreign affairs, he went on to broker the Camp David Accords that reshaped the Middle East, established full diplomatic relations with China and completed Strategic Arms Talks with the Soviet Union. Domestically, he created the Departments of Education and Energy, diversified the federal judiciary, including nominating the pioneering Ruth Bader Ginsburg to the federal bench, and as one of the first world leaders to recognize climate change, took multiple actions to address it - created a national energy policy focused on conservation, put solar panels on the White House, expanded the national park system and moved to protect 103 million acres of Alaskan land.
But Carter will mostly be remembered for the longest and most accomplished post-presidency in American history. In 1982, he founded the human rights non-profit Carter Center with his wife Rosalynn; it established health programs credited with helping control or end longstanding diseases - river blindness, trachoma, Guinea worm disease - in Africa, Latin America, and Asia. Carter monitored over 100 elections around the world, championed the rights of marginalized people, and with Rosalynn worked for decades with Habitat for Humanity building thousands of homes. In 2002, he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for years of conflict resolution work, including negotiations to end decades of war between Egypt and Israel. All told, Carter "did more to advocate for peace as an ex-president than most politicians in their entire career."
Notably, almost alone among Western leaders, he also championed the rights of and "injustice"njustice" suffered by Palestinians; slammed for some language in his 2006 book Palestine: Peace Not Apartheid, he stood by it: "The word 'apartheid' is exactly accurate." One Arab admirer called him a humble peacemaker: "He taught us how to live with principles and how to die with grace." A protean "dirt farmer" consistently on the right side of history, Carter blasted both SCOTUS' Citizens United decision - the U.S. was an "oligarchy with unlimited political bribery" - and the racism of MAGA: "He was deeply anti-racist when by birth and time he should have been the opposite." And for decades he taught Sunday School at Plains' Maranatha Baptist Church, where he was beloved for both his Biblical knowledge and "fundamental decency."
Carter's death, almost two years after he entered hospice care, triggered a flood of tributes. In a sober in memoriam to "a good citizen," Robert Reich cites the 1977 message Carter cast "into the cosmos" on Voyager 1 in hopes of someday joining "a community of galactic civilizations" in a spirit of "good will in a vast and awesome universe.” Of its naive optimism, he says, Carter believed deeply in our capacity to create civil societies "that would contain the beasts in all of us...Humanity over inhumanity....He not only saw the good in others, but he practiced the good." He was "one of the best and most decent people ever to serve as president"; his life, writes another patriot, allows us to "still be proud of this fragile country." In his honor, and oh so fittingly, our flags will be flying at half-staff on Jan. 20 to represent a nation in mourning.