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Further
Oh For Fuck's Sake
First up was his choice of "stunningly unqualified" former Hawaii congresswoman, National Guard reserve and new bestie Tulsi Gabbard as Director of National Intelligence, even though she has no experience in intelligence work - "literally, none" - or managing anything. She also made a dubious 2017 "fact-finding" trip to Syria and met twice with Syrian President Bashar al-Assad, who's accused of killing hundreds of thousands of his own people; critics deemed the meeting "an outrage" and she is widely viewed as a Russian flunkie who "cozies up to dictators." While Trump praised her "fearless spirit," many blasted the nomination, charging she's not just ill-prepared for the job but such a national security risk that Putin might as well have gotten it.
Continuing his shamble toward national insecurity, next was Pete Hegseth, a 44-year-old veteran and co-host of a Fox & Friends weekend show Trump likes, so hey why not make the guy on it Secretary of Defense to run the world's largest and most powerful military establishment with 1.3 million active-duty troops, 1.4 million National Guard members, nearly a million civilian workers, access to the nuclear codes and a budget of over $800 billion, about half of all federal discretionary funding, thus rendering an extremist, adulterous, belligerent culture warrior and former prison guard at Guantánamo with no managerial experience "undoubtedly the least experienced nominee for Secretary of Defense in American history."
A graduate of the University of St. Thomas, Hegseth served in Iraq and Afghanistan, then worked as a guard at Gitmo while in the Minnesota National Guard. That gig primed him for excusing and successfully lobbying "President" Trump to pardon several war criminals serving long prison sentences for murder in Iraq, including a "freaking evil" Navy Seal "perfectly O.K. with killing anybody that was moving." At Biden's inauguration, he was one of 12 Guardsmen removed from duty after men in his unit said he was a white nationalist, maybe because of his tattoos; they include the Join or Die snake; Deus Vult, God Wills It, the cry of the Crusaders; a flag and the AR-15 he carried in Iraq; and across his pecs a huge Jerusalem Cross - a celebrated white nationalist symbol.
In his new book, he's still bitter about the rebuff: "Twenty years, (and) the military I loved, I fought for, I revered...spit me out. The feeling was mutual - I didn’t want this Army anymore." He calls new diversity efforts "garbage - any general, admiral involved in the DEI, woke shit's gotta go." He thinks the Black head of Joint Chiefs of Staff got his job by being Black. He's called liberals "domestic enemies," praised Jan. 6, cited a “desperate need" for Christian kids to get "a Christian education," once said he didn't wash his hands in ten years because germs aren't real, and said the 225,000 women now in combat shouldn't be. Tammy Duckworth says he's "dangerously unqualified" and so ignorant about war he thinks he can keep women behind an imaginary line; she'd ask him, "Where do you think I lost my legs?"
In 2017, Hegseth got passed over for head of Veterans Affairs; he'd just divorced and had an out-of-wedlock child with his second and "ultimate" wife, who turned out not to be when she filed for divorce a month after he had another child with Fox News producer Jennifer Rauchet. He was also investigated after a Minnesota PAC he started, supposedly to support conservative candidates, was found to have spent less than half the money it raised on candidates, while dropping about a third of it on two lavish Christmas parties and nebulous "reimbursements" to Hegseth. He still seems to harbor anger issues: In a recent meltdown, he seethed about vaccines and screamed that a "dirtbag" reporter was just part of the "trash heap of left-wing media."
This week on Fox Business, he was calmer but no smarter. Celebrating Trump’s vow to leave the Paris Climate deal and the decimation of our only planet, he raved, "Good! Think of the exact opposite of what the woke left has been advancing, and that's what (he's) about to do. We're awake to (the) Utopian, globalist schemes, of what they're trying to peddle...All these burdensome regulations (are) a total sham meant (to) hold us back in the name of climate science, which has proven to not be true." (Hmm.) When the host mused it's like 1980 when Reagan got the Iran hostages released, a dazed Hegseth agreed, claimed "Hamas is crying uncle," and brayed, "The adults are back, and our enemies are taking notice." And, "Trump is making bitcoin great again!"
The response in the defense and military community to the nomination of a Fox carnie to run the military has variously been called "stunned" and "bewildered," a feeling possibly best summed up by one member with, "WTF. Who is this fucking guy?"Another blasted Hegseth as "an unserious person for an incredibly serious post during an incredibly serious time in the world." Dem Adam Kinsinger called the nod "the most hilariously, predictably stupid thing. Yes, he's a veteran, and...?" Brace yourself, America," warned Paul Rieckhoff of Independent Veterans of America. Because we live in a time of morons when up is down, Elizabeth Warren tried to explain it in the simplest terms possible: “A Fox & Friends weekend co-host is not qualified to be the Secretary of Defense."
Finally, having drained the proverbial swamp and bafflingly transformed it into a cesspool, the old ringmaster dug as deeply as he could with his stubbly little hands into the GOP dung pile and tugged out what's been deemed "the worst nomination for a Cabinet position in American history," tapping for the job of highest law enforcement official in the land a "unanimously loathed," singularly unqualified chaos agent, greasy provocatuer and "person of moral turpitude" who's not only never served as a government attorney, judge, arbiter or overseer of any kind but has himself long been accused of heinous sex crimes along with protean creepiness - a bid eliciting, by way of response from a stunned public, myriad variations on, "Oh. My. God" and, "Oh, for fuck's sake."
The nomination of alleged pedophile, drug snorter and child sex trafficker Matt 'Butthead' Gaetz as Attorney General is so insane it launched a host of possible theories by observers desperate to carve logic from dystopian mayhem. It's pure provocation, an elaborate troll. It's "a big 'Fuck You' to everyone who believes in the rule of law," demonstrating "maximum contempt for 99% of the human race and every decent thing we’ve ever stood for." It's "a canary in the recess appointment coal mine," a lunatic litmus test "from a man who offers none in return," like making Sean Spicer say the inauguration crowd was bigger than MLK's." It's "an open flame being considered for Secretary of Gasoline." It's "a crawl test" for the Senate:"Autocrats like to make minions crawl."
The leering alleged sexual predator brazenly picked by a serial sexual predator and adjudicated rapist is above all a bullying tactic, an effort to simultaneously degrade and weaponize the DOJ while punishing those who pursued charges against him, and Gaetz too. Among his rogues' gallery of unqualified loyalists, the ghastly Gaetz, who'd "turn the DOJ into a petting zoo for Trump," is the pinnacle, the "gauntlet thrown in America’s face," the sneering challenge daring weak-kneed Senate Republicans to challenge him: "Who's gonna stop me? You and whose army?" It's "as close as you can get to putting Sean Hannity in charge of the DOJ." It's more bleak proof there is no bottom, that he's "not assembling a Cabinet to run the government, but to break it. Let them eat Gaetz."
Gaetz, a 42-year-old "series of unfortunate events, and weird hair too," serves a deep red district in Florida; his X bio reads, "Florida Man. Built for Battle." The son of a rich GOP donor, he first became a state legislator known for playing a "points game" in which he and other GOP jerks earned sexual points for sleeping with women: One point for a lobbyist, three for a fellow legislator, six for a married legislator. Trump didn't mention the game in his rambling post praising Gaetz as "a deeply gifted and tenacious" - or "deeply grifted and mendacious" - attorney with an unimpressive resume consisting mostly of disrupting the House, sucking up to Trump and once barging into a secure facility where Dems were holding a deposition hearing he was mad he wasn't invited to.
Trump also ignored allegations Gaetz often accosted House members to show them nude photos of women he'd slept with or to brag about crushing Viagra in Red Bull to "go all night"; one repulsed colleague: "That’s great, Matt. Like, what kind of a reaction do you want?" And he overlooked a two-year investigation by the DOJ into allegations Gaetz trafficked and sexually exploited a 17-year-old girl he took across state lines to pay for sex, and attended sex-and-drug-fueled parties - why he'd be hounded by media shouting, "Are you a pedophile?" Last year, the DOJ dropped the trafficking charges without comment; the House Ethics Committee was still investigating him for sexual misconduct, illicit drug use, accepting improper gifts, dispensing favors and obstructing their investigation.
Gaetz also joined about 150 Republicans and the white supremacist Proud Boys - "Standing back and standing by, Mr. President" - to protest the 2020 election results and his hush money trial, invited a Holocaust denier to the State of the Union, launched an “America First” tour with Klan Mom MTG to repeat election lies, sought a blanket pardon from Trump before he left the White House, and, according to Kevin McCarthy, asked him to kill the ethics probe of his exploits. He's reportedly so widely disliked that his new job offer prompted even staunch right-wingers to savage him as "a sex trafficking drug-addicted piece of shit." Ben Domenech wrote a Substack post titled, “Matt Gaetz is a Vile Sex Pest and Any Senator Who Votes For Him Owns That."
The news of his nomination was said to be greeted with "an audible gasp” from Republicans, many of whom thought it was a joke. A reporter: "Safe to say GOP senators are stunned - not in a good way.” One was "laughing so hard in a group he’s wiping away tears"; another had "no good comment." “We wanted him out of the House (but) this isn’t what we were thinking,” said Idaho Rep. Mike Simpson. Asked if he thought Gaetz had the character or experience to be A.G., Simpson stared incredulously, laughed loudly, and said, "Are you shitting me? No." Even as some conceded it could "make for a popcorn-eating confirmation hearing," even GOP heathens evidently felt the concept of a plan for an A.G. Gaetz "took the cake at the ongoing 'This Country Is Over' party.
Gaetz abruptly resigned Wednesday from the House. But with the Ethics Committee scheduled to vote Friday on whether to release their reportedly "highly damaging" findings on him, a number of nervous GOP senators are calling for access to the report "by whatever means necessary," including a possible subpoena. Said Texas Sen. John Cornyn, "I don't think any of us want to fly blind." Still, Maine's Susan Collins already says she's "shocked" by Gaetz' pick and she'll probably reject him. Then again, it's Collins. Some speculate she'll mull, pray, come to accept Gaetz' promise he won't do "any crazy stuff," and vote for him. Once confirmed, he'll arrest her as an enemy of the state; Collins will be "concerned," but ultimately soothed by his assurance it's a very nice gulag.
Thursday, in an "act of uttter hubris," Trump tapped crackpot fabulist and anti-vaccine-and-fluoride conspiracist RFK Jr. to head, per Tiedrich, the Dept. of Dying of a Preventable Disease. Trump says he'll let RFK's brain worm "go wild on the medicines," and we can't wait. Also, at an Oversight Committee hearing titled "Unidentified Anomalous Phenomena: Exposing the Truth" - your tax dollars at work - Colorado's somehow re-elected Lauren Boebert said Americans "are being kept in the dark" and pressed four UFO "experts" for more federal transparency on rumored space aliens operating underwater bases in the oceans, and secret experiments creating “hybrid” humans with enhanced capabilities. "Are you familiar with that? Yes or no?" she shrieked. They were not. Still, she vowed she "will not relent until we get those answers to the American people." The Internet: "She''ll probs be made head of NASA now." Also, "Absolute circus America is."
How America feels right now.Art by Buddy Swenson.
The Hundredth Gale: Farewell To the Twisted Oompa-Loompa
While minion Steven Cheung insists Trump is "the greatest orator in political history" and we're all too "stupid" to recognize his "achievements," the "not-normal" rhetoric and bizarre unraveling - yes this is a real photo - have prompted questions from even supporters: "It is hard to overstate how terrible morale is inside of this campaign." It's also sparked creativity, with satirical statues popping up in Philly, Boston, Phoenix, DC, Detroit, Madison, Portland OR. The guys who put the faux bronze turd on Pelosi's desk to honor Jan. 6 heroes also made a huge hand gripping a Charlottesville-style Tiki torch to fete "Trump and the very fine people he boldly stood to defend." And they erected a Trump statue "In Honor of a Lifetime of Sexual Assault," one hand obscenely curled, quoting him: "I just start kissing them. When you’re a star, they let you do it." (Sadly, it was quickly beheaded). As part of a "Crooked and Obscene" tour around swing states, others suspended a massive, naked, 6,000-pound Trump from a crane. Madison residents said it's "bringing people together - We all came together to point and laugh."
Still, the orange ghoul keeps trudging to bedraggled, half-filled "rallies." In Georgia, he was introduced by moronic Herschel Walker, now in glasses to look smarter, which must be why, right after Trump puts RFK Jr.'s brain worm in charge of health care, he's gonna put Walker in charge of a new wrap-around nuclear missile shield, "Trump Announces Dumbest Person You Know Will Lead Missile Defense." Walker: "It is time to vote for my friend and your friend Donald Trump Jr...Donald Trump...Jonald J. Trump." Mindless cheers all around. Trump babbles: "Where the hell is Biden? What in hell happened to that guy?...If I don't win this thing after all this talk I'm in trouble - will you please just go and vote?...We stand on the verge of the four greatest years in American history...It’s going to be so much fun. It’ll be nasty a little bit at times, but it’s going to be something...When I say insane asylums and Doctor Hannibal Lecter, does anybody know? They go crazy. They say, oh, he brings up these names. Well, that’s genius...Silence of the Lambs. Who the hell else would even remember that? I have a great memory." Still, many leave early.
In his final, slurring, inglorious days, he's mused that in 2020 he "should have just stayed in office, because we did so well." He pantomimed performing oral sex on a microphone while ranting at it. He called Liz Cheney "a very dumb individual" he envisioned "standing with nine barrels shooting at her." He called Harris "a dumb person," suggesting, "Put Mike Tyson in the ring with Kamala." He threatened to "hit back" at Michelle Obama, because "she said bad about me." Mid-mumble, he suddenly realized, "I won't be doing this anymore...After today, this is, I'm just thinking..." Mid-somnolent fugue state, he blurted, "I'm a pretty smart guy, I have genetic...Fast race horses produce fast race horses. But I'm a very...I'm smart. I'm like...I tell this story. Thank you." A whistleblower "released the information on the 18, on the 800,000 cobs plus." Nancy Pelosi is "a bad person, she's an evil sick crazy b...", mouthes the word "bitch." The crowd brays at his awesome strategy with women voters repulsed by him. J.D. Vance follows in classy lock-step. "Tomorrow we're gonna take out the trash," he said in his final speech, "and its name is Kamala Harris."
Meanwhile, officials are better prepped this time around - Pennsylvania has warned "anyone who thinks it'll be fun to interfere in Tuesday's elections, fuck around and find out - you can have your fun in a jail cell" - and pundits, former Trumpers and a spineless media are finally, finally, what were they waiting for reminding America the real madman is far viler behind closed doors than any of us knew. For the 7,846th time, the bleak message goes out: "When someone tells you who they are, believe them." Tragically, rage at America's funding of and complicity in Israel's genocide in Gaza continues to fester; the results in swing states like Michigan, with large Muslim populations, remain uncertain. On that painful score, John Oliver offers a thoughtful, impassioned plea to vote blue, and then keep fighting. Overall, notes a broad consensus, America wants the election, the MAGA horrors, the hell of Trump to be over "to return to a normal we almost can no longer imagine." Some cite Godfrey Reggio’s 1982 visual tone poem Koyaanisqatsi, scored by Philip Glass. In Hopi, it means "life in turmoil, life out of balance, a state that calls for another way of living."
In glad anticipation, activist and filmmaker Michael Moore wrote a "Dear John" letter to Donald John. "How are you? Are you doing okay? You don’t seem to be doing okay," he begins. After suggesting Trump "lay off the the amphetamines," he notes, "It seems like you are getting ready to try to steal another election," a move he calls "pathetic." "Donald, are you the biggest loser?" he asks, citing how many millions of votes he's lost every election by: "They weren’t illegal, Donald. They weren’t 'made up' votes. That’s how much people don’t like you." After listing everyone he maligns - lesbians, immigrants, Blacks, Swifties, the Deep State, his own peeps - and noting they don't like him either, he declares, "I'm showing you the door, Donald. I don't know if you can figure out how to open it, but I promise you: There are tens upon tens upon tens of millions of us who will open it for you." In the same spirit, author and analyst Clarissa Pinkola Estés urges Americans to "please not spend your spirit dry by bewailing these difficult times," or losing hope. “It does not take everyone on Earth to bring justice and peace," she writes, "but only a small, determined group who will not give up during the first, second, or hundredth gale." Vote.
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