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Donald Trump "dances" after a 2020 rally
As a surging Harris/Walz team draws ecstatic crowds, the GOP's "giant weirdos" are flailing, name-calling, spewing "a firehose of cray-cray" and working hard to alienate every woman in America. After Trump claimed a Harris crowd of 15,000 "DIDN’T EXIST," fellow-fascist Elon Musk threw him a two-hour lifeline on X. It did not go well: tech glitches, slurred lies, banal bunk. Facts owe. The GOP is a crazy-town "clown car hitting a brick wall." Been there, done that, not going back.
Their indignant protests notwithstanding - punching down is unacceptable! - Republicans really have gotten head-swivelingly weird. Most of us already know this, but if you need more proof, here's MAGA at its most delusional: See-Sheep-Surrender cranks from the Daily Show, The Good Liars, a drunk "college-means-devil-worshipping, baby-blood drinking Dems" Roseanne, and a blessed-be-the-fruit Rep who wants us to return to a misgynistic Gilead. Meanwhile, malignant, money-grubbing "lawmakers" like Ted Cancun, trying to avoid revealing "ideas" like killing Social Security and Medicare, can only shriek about Kamala taking away their steaks, cheeseburgers, plastic straws or gas engines - "Why does he think anyone wants any of his crap?" - and House "leaders" like James Comer can only propose more sham "investigations" into the cost to Medicaid of Kamala personallysending "an open invitation to the world" to "unload all these illegals" into our pristine country. Just what the ever loving fuck: Idiot Yahoos 'R Us.
Little wonder, then, that even vaguely sane Republicans are deserting the raving, sinking ship of "chowderheads" in droves. They've launched a Republicans for Harris: "Conservatives believe in the Constitution, not a 'man’s' ego. You’re better than Trump." Over 200,000 "faithful, compassionate evangelicals exercising our God-given citizenship" have signed a pledge with Evangelicals for Harris to "reaffirm who (we) are" and vote for someone who "better reflects Christian values"; their first ad features Trump, queried if he's ever asked God for forgiveness for his sins, mugging, "I don't bring God into that picture," and the stark judgment, “Is there any greater denial of Christ (than) to say ‘I do not need His forgiveness?’'’ Dozens of his former staff and Cabinet members have declined to endorse him - some have also called him "a moron" - and even some of his Nazi supporters have publicly revoked their support and declared a "groyper war" against what they see as a demented old man headed for a "catastrophic loss."
In a floundering campaign where even the signs betray their incompetence - seeming to endorse Kamala or tell Trump he's fired - bumbling, lying, wooden J.V. Vance, a creepy weirdo and "insufferable, dead-eyed climber (with) moral malleability," isn't helping. Here, too, signs expose voters' repugnance for him: "Childless Cat Ladies for Kamala," "Ohio Hillbillies for Harris," "Sofa So Bad for Vance," and, in Manhattan with a sinister, double-chinned image of the guy who says reproductive choice is a "snake strangling the American family," "Your Body, My Choice." Among Vance's dystopian views: The country's low birth rate has "made many elites sociopaths," childless journalists are "psychotic," women in violent marriages should stay in them, Americans with children should get more votes than childless people "in New York or San Francisco," law enforcement should have access to women's health care records - all deemed hysterical" by Chelsea Handler: "Listen up, you wingnut elegy. I know a couch fucker when I see one."
Awful new reveals keep coming. Like Vance is a menstrual surveillance freak: He's one of eight GOP senators, along with some Freedom Caucus goons, who support surveillance of women's menstrual records by state law enforcement agencies. An anti-LGBTQ zealot who opposes abortion rights, marriage equality and IVF, he introduced a "Protect Children's Innocence Act" to charge with a felony doctors who provide health care to trans kids - though he does, evidently, like to dress in drag. Newly unearthed audio also reveals him agreeing that grandmothers helping raise kids is "the whole purpose of the postmenopausal female" - like his mother-in-law did for him, which is "this weird unadvertised feature of marrying an Indian woman," which is "the most transgressive thing I've done" against hyper--liberal (ideas) that are the root of our political problem." America: "What are females for?" and "Childless cat ladies and postmenopausal females: ASSEMBLE." Outraged, many - pols, nurses, CEOS, Margaret Atwood - did.
With an unhinged Trump largely MIA on the campaign trail as his advisers struggle to hinge him back to reality, it's fallen to the feckless Vance to do his job. Alas, he's proven...not great, with many cringe moments. Lacking charisma, experience, policy ideas or a self to call his own, he's sunk to endless lying, swiftboating Walz, trashing Harris while either pretending she's been president or forgetting she wasn't, stalking their rallies because he can't get his own crowds, coming up with lame retorts to Trump sins like befriending Nazis - "the thing I like (is) he will talk to anybody" - and, preposterously, denouncing Dems as name-calling bullies. One response: "Crooked Hillary, Crazy Nancy, Sleepy Joe, Coco Chow, Lyin' Ted, Rod DeSanctimonious, Birdbrain Nikki, Gavin Newscum, Pencil Neck Schiff, Pocahontas and Kamabla would all like a word." Still, he keeps going lower in his grotesque brown-nosing: Boldly ignoring Mr. Bone Spurs' lifelong moral, marital, political and constitutional crimes, he just praised him as "always faithful."
Trump, meanwhile, is unraveling. Mercifully, he's mostly golfing, only rarely popping up to rant online, spout "bat-guano-crazy" lies in bonkers pressers, attack or threaten to sue the Times, the government, Georgia et al, and slam a successful former prosecutor, A.G. and senator as "too dumb to debate," "a crazy person," "a bumbling communist lunatic," "a socialist lunatic," "a bitch," and "real garbage" - this, from an old guy in clown makeup and manifest cognitive decline. Increasingly, the world he inhabits bearslittle resemblance to the real one. Despite his dystopian accounts of a decrepit country awash in violent crime, the economy is thriving and most cities have seen a big drop in crime, including on a southern border with some of the lowest crime rates. His portrayals of "the migrants Harris let in" - they've taken "over 100%" of new jobs created, they're "tough," "mean," "raping our women" - are ugly fiction; some theorize he's so stupid he's confused "asking for asylum" with the "insane asylums" he yawps they've come from.
The hero who "took a bullet for democracy" has angrily rejected the suggestion of his own FBI director Christopher Wray, who should resign for “LYING TO CONGRESS," that his close call came from a teleprompter shard: "It was (a) bullet that hit my ear, and hit it hard." He recovered fast enough to launch the new book Save America - $99, $499 signed - featuring bloodied, defiant photos from the event he stole from AP's Evan Vucci. He's also hawking $299, "limited-edition" FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT High-Tops with the same "iconic image (to) honor his unwavering determination and bravery," much like his $299 Never Surrender Low Tops. So all good on the grifting. But his judgment's iffy: He's waving to imaginary crowds, flying around in Jeffrey Epstein's (badly vetted) old plane, and frequently summoning "the late great Hannibal Lecter," a fictional cannibal-killer - because, his spokesman explains, "he's an inspiring and gifted storyteller, and referencing pop culture is (why) he can successfully connect with voters." LOL.
In truth, many argue with overpowering evidence, Trump's crazy-pants antics and word salad keep getting worse as his fortunes decline, and his mental health should be much more recognized and discussed than it is, notwithstanding the absurd, obsessive probing of Biden's lapses. "Trump is a deeply unwell man, a deeply psychologically disturbed individual," says George Conway, who says he's "been yammering about this" for years. "If he was a member of your family, you'd be staging an intervention." Conway cites the same narcissistic, sociopathic traits that have marked authoritarians through history, and the inevitable, "final implosion we're seeing now, like Hitler moving around divisions that didn't exist in the Fuhrer bunker in the last 10 days of the war." Of Trump - who regularly makes crackpot claims like he's done more for "the Blacks" than anyone since Honest Abe and "I’m doing really well in the Presidential Race, leading in almost all of the REAL Polls," Conway says, "He. has. completely. lost. it."
Among his recent "true Captain Queeg" moments: Claiming a larger crowd at Jan. 6 than Martin Luther King Jr. for his “I Have A Dream" speech in D.C. King’s speech to 250,000 led to the Civil Rights Act; Trump's speech to 53,000 led to an insurrection. The Borowitz Reportduly cited the "huge crowd" of voices Trump hears inside his head: “I have maybe millions of voices, all talking at the same time. How many voices does Kamala have? Maybe one, if she’s lucky...There are people in there from countries you’ve never heard of." There was also his batty charge Harris used AI to invent 15,000 people greeting her in Michigan. “Nobody was there," Trump raved. "This is the way the Democrats win Elections, by CHEATING.” He added, "She "should be disqualified because the creation of a fake image is ELECTION INTERFERENCE. Anyone who does that will cheat at ANYTHING!" And he should know. On the myth of the great man humbled by his brush with death, one wrote, "Wow! Such an uplifting message! Keep talking, dotard."
Implausibly, he does in fact keep talking, regardless of the wrangling efforts of harried advisers. It turns out many of the odd cultural references he pulls from his murky swamp of a battered mind - Hannibal, his lumpy clothes, the retro music he chooses, noticeably the Village People's disco hit YMCA, which despite its "hanging out with all the boys having fun" he hasn't yet figured out is a gay anthem - date from the 1980s, "the last time any of his shit functioned." Biographer Tim O'Brien calls Trump "a crypt keeper for the 1980s," when "anybody who matters even pretended they respected him. That’s when he got his picture on Playboy and Time covers. That’s why he thinks New York is a crime-infested murder show. Because, in his brain, it’s the ‘80s outside." That's also why he's been blasted or sued for copyright infringement by so many, mostly earlier musicians - Queen, Springsteen, Aerosmith, Leonard Cohen, Rolling Stones, George Harrison and 30 more - they have their own pissed-off page on Wikipedia.
He's currently being sued by both Celine Dion for hilariously, cluelessly using her ode to a sinking ship from the Titanic movie - a wry Dion: "Really, THAT song?" - and the family of late soul singer Isaac Hayes for using his 1966 Hold On, I’m Comin' without permission. Lawyers say Trump owes them $3 million, a heavily discounted fee given he's been "willfully and brazenly engaged in copyright infringement," despite their complaints, since 2022. Unsurprisingly, musicians' fury at a slimy Trump echoes many others'. Neil Young: "You are a disgrace to my country." Johnny Marr: "Consider this shit shut right down right now.” Michael Stipe: "Do not use our music (for) your moronic charade of a campaign." They could add to their call for redress the moronic charade of his compiled "dancing" - stiff-as-a-board, tiny fists clenched, blank stare, malevolent: "It’s rare to see someone dancing with a scowl on their face" - shown at the RNC convention to his enthused, irony-free clones and fans. Conrad: "The horror! The horror!"
And it keeps coming. Monday's babbling "biggest interview in history" with Elon Musk - "the two worst people in America" - swiftly devolved into "the incoherent in full pursuit of the unendurable," a "surprisingly dull meeting of two planet-sized egos plagued by technical glitches that only showcased Trump’s inability to complete a sentence." Trump trumpeted the X event with a plea for money - "We're calling on TEN MILLION Patriots to donate ANY AMOUNT" - and an operatic ad with Nazi marching music: "They're not coming after me, they're coming after you. Justice will be done." But first there was 42 minutes of silence broken only by "Muzakesque hold tunes," a tech debacle that for sure had nothing to do with Musk having promptly fired 80% of his workers, or "almost everyone who knew what they were doing." Trump later: "You're the greatest cutter." Still, many suggested it's maybe not a great idea to put in charge of Mars space trips or nuclear arsenals people who can't figure out how to run a live-stream in 2024.
The Harris/Waltz campaign was quick to mock the spectacle of two muted "self-obsessed rich guys, or whatever that was." They also posted Trump's snide blast of DeSantis' earlier "complete failure to launch" when the same thing happened to him in what one pundit called "another Musk trainwreck - the guy is like the Zodiac Killer of campaigns." Though Musk claimed he'd run multiple tech tests earlier, the sound when it finally came on was so weird, with Trump slurring and lisping, that social media dubbed him "Daffy Cuck" and #DentureDon. Still, many argued the "banal chatter" of a dysfunctional "dumpster fire" of "toxic masculinity and breathtaking mendacity," like "sitting with two drunks at a bar trying to set the world to rights" as Musk snickered, kowtowed and guffawed through Trump's unchecked rambling - Trump: "I know Putin, President Xi, Kim Jon Un, all of them." "Yeah, cool," gushed Musk, whose platform is banned in North Korea - made them crave the prior, peaceful 40 minutes of wallpaper music.
The two-hour babble: 60 million immigrants invading, Harris destroyed San Francisco, California, the sun, "they just took (Biden) out back (and) basically shot him," 35 states will do as well as Norway with no Dept. of Education, Russia defeated Napoleon - "It’s very unfair" - and, in "the dumbest climate conversation of all time," there'll be "more waterfront property - not a biggie." Pontificated Musk, "We’re at a fork in the road of the destiny of civilization." Then he asked fans for highlights he didn't have, and claimed 73 million listeners. Print media said it was a few hundred thousand. Trump, who measures his worth in numbers - ratings, buildings, money - said they "broke every record with many millions of people." But they seemed prickly, defensive. When the EU warned Musk of fines for violating their social media law on misinformation, he replied, "TAKE A BIG STEP BACK AND LITERALLY, F*CK YOUR OWN FACE!” When a reporter asked Trump aides about the lisp, he was told, "Must be your shitty hearing." Worse for the unloved boy whose greatest fear is being laughed at, a long-lost SNL video mysteriously resurfaced. Hellspawn, indeed.
This week, the weird guys kept yammering. A small crowd came to hear clumsy Vance in Michigan: "It's a little hot today but it's a beautiful state." He emitted a crock of ugly bullshit: "Kamala's green energy scams," tens of millions of illegals, no more steak, she "forced Americans to buy EVs made in China - it's the carburators that suffer," she "pretends to stand for normal people," she's "laughing and dancing while Americans lose their children to fentanyl," she's "been in charge of the government (sic) for almost 4 years and hasn't done a damn thing." Trump is likewise in "his happy place" - bravado, vindictiveness, insults, lies. In one golf course presser that "did him no favors," he told at least 162 lies in 64 minutes, what Pete Buttigieg called "the Olympics of lying." At a small rally in North Carolina, he did his "greatest hits of weirdness" while holding Tic Tocs in each hand. Mild Walz will usher in World War lll: "We've never been this close." Kamala, with "the laugh of a crazy person," is "the worst vice president in history."
Then, a dutiful half-pivot to economics: “They say it’s the most important subject." But first, Kamala on the cover of Time: "She was a totally disrespected person six weeks ago." Then windmills as a couple wants to watch teevee: "I'm sorry darling, we can't, the wind isn't blowing." COVID: "We never got the credit we deserved, with all the things we did, the outfits." Insulin: "$35 insulin. I did that." (NOT). Then - pivot! - high prices, fake facts: "Car insurance is up like 82%," empty promises: "We will rapidly drive prices down and make America affordable again (with) a person named President Donald J. Trump. Do you know him? He’s a nice gentleman. Your incomes will soar, your savings will grow..." Then another golf club, more bombast - "The wind is ruining everything!" "You'll be thrown into a communist system where everyone gets health care," he's "entitled" to insult his opponent - from "meanderings into the muck his mania," his "laundry list of increasingly bizarre claims that (push) the envelope in new and astonishing ways."
His "campaign," it is widely agreed, has "entered the please-shut-up phase" with its "manic, boastful, untruthful, aggrieved, abusive, obsessive, random, ignorant, tedious, bitchy" discord, all born of his fragile ego and sick need for attention. Thus did a fabulist who from the start portrayed a fictional America of chaos and "carnage” then forge it, denying the trauma, damage and loss it inflicted. "His campaign is yesterday," said one sage, with his solipsistic phobias and tiresome grievances; Harris/Walz is tomorrow. Calm, smart, joyful, capable and leading in most swing states, they are greeted by euphoric crowds hungry to heal, come together, move past the wreckage born of his "savage incompetence." "Dear White Christians," wrote pastor John Pavlovitz too long ago to those who mistook Trump's evil for good. "Now you get to be brave, and leave behind supposed people of faith who betray (virtue) for a bag of coins or a SCOTUS seat...It's time to admit that this was all a horrible mistake." Socialist lunatics, onward.
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As a surging Harris/Walz team draws ecstatic crowds, the GOP's "giant weirdos" are flailing, name-calling, spewing "a firehose of cray-cray" and working hard to alienate every woman in America. After Trump claimed a Harris crowd of 15,000 "DIDN’T EXIST," fellow-fascist Elon Musk threw him a two-hour lifeline on X. It did not go well: tech glitches, slurred lies, banal bunk. Facts owe. The GOP is a crazy-town "clown car hitting a brick wall." Been there, done that, not going back.
Their indignant protests notwithstanding - punching down is unacceptable! - Republicans really have gotten head-swivelingly weird. Most of us already know this, but if you need more proof, here's MAGA at its most delusional: See-Sheep-Surrender cranks from the Daily Show, The Good Liars, a drunk "college-means-devil-worshipping, baby-blood drinking Dems" Roseanne, and a blessed-be-the-fruit Rep who wants us to return to a misgynistic Gilead. Meanwhile, malignant, money-grubbing "lawmakers" like Ted Cancun, trying to avoid revealing "ideas" like killing Social Security and Medicare, can only shriek about Kamala taking away their steaks, cheeseburgers, plastic straws or gas engines - "Why does he think anyone wants any of his crap?" - and House "leaders" like James Comer can only propose more sham "investigations" into the cost to Medicaid of Kamala personallysending "an open invitation to the world" to "unload all these illegals" into our pristine country. Just what the ever loving fuck: Idiot Yahoos 'R Us.
Little wonder, then, that even vaguely sane Republicans are deserting the raving, sinking ship of "chowderheads" in droves. They've launched a Republicans for Harris: "Conservatives believe in the Constitution, not a 'man’s' ego. You’re better than Trump." Over 200,000 "faithful, compassionate evangelicals exercising our God-given citizenship" have signed a pledge with Evangelicals for Harris to "reaffirm who (we) are" and vote for someone who "better reflects Christian values"; their first ad features Trump, queried if he's ever asked God for forgiveness for his sins, mugging, "I don't bring God into that picture," and the stark judgment, “Is there any greater denial of Christ (than) to say ‘I do not need His forgiveness?’'’ Dozens of his former staff and Cabinet members have declined to endorse him - some have also called him "a moron" - and even some of his Nazi supporters have publicly revoked their support and declared a "groyper war" against what they see as a demented old man headed for a "catastrophic loss."
In a floundering campaign where even the signs betray their incompetence - seeming to endorse Kamala or tell Trump he's fired - bumbling, lying, wooden J.V. Vance, a creepy weirdo and "insufferable, dead-eyed climber (with) moral malleability," isn't helping. Here, too, signs expose voters' repugnance for him: "Childless Cat Ladies for Kamala," "Ohio Hillbillies for Harris," "Sofa So Bad for Vance," and, in Manhattan with a sinister, double-chinned image of the guy who says reproductive choice is a "snake strangling the American family," "Your Body, My Choice." Among Vance's dystopian views: The country's low birth rate has "made many elites sociopaths," childless journalists are "psychotic," women in violent marriages should stay in them, Americans with children should get more votes than childless people "in New York or San Francisco," law enforcement should have access to women's health care records - all deemed hysterical" by Chelsea Handler: "Listen up, you wingnut elegy. I know a couch fucker when I see one."
Awful new reveals keep coming. Like Vance is a menstrual surveillance freak: He's one of eight GOP senators, along with some Freedom Caucus goons, who support surveillance of women's menstrual records by state law enforcement agencies. An anti-LGBTQ zealot who opposes abortion rights, marriage equality and IVF, he introduced a "Protect Children's Innocence Act" to charge with a felony doctors who provide health care to trans kids - though he does, evidently, like to dress in drag. Newly unearthed audio also reveals him agreeing that grandmothers helping raise kids is "the whole purpose of the postmenopausal female" - like his mother-in-law did for him, which is "this weird unadvertised feature of marrying an Indian woman," which is "the most transgressive thing I've done" against hyper--liberal (ideas) that are the root of our political problem." America: "What are females for?" and "Childless cat ladies and postmenopausal females: ASSEMBLE." Outraged, many - pols, nurses, CEOS, Margaret Atwood - did.
With an unhinged Trump largely MIA on the campaign trail as his advisers struggle to hinge him back to reality, it's fallen to the feckless Vance to do his job. Alas, he's proven...not great, with many cringe moments. Lacking charisma, experience, policy ideas or a self to call his own, he's sunk to endless lying, swiftboating Walz, trashing Harris while either pretending she's been president or forgetting she wasn't, stalking their rallies because he can't get his own crowds, coming up with lame retorts to Trump sins like befriending Nazis - "the thing I like (is) he will talk to anybody" - and, preposterously, denouncing Dems as name-calling bullies. One response: "Crooked Hillary, Crazy Nancy, Sleepy Joe, Coco Chow, Lyin' Ted, Rod DeSanctimonious, Birdbrain Nikki, Gavin Newscum, Pencil Neck Schiff, Pocahontas and Kamabla would all like a word." Still, he keeps going lower in his grotesque brown-nosing: Boldly ignoring Mr. Bone Spurs' lifelong moral, marital, political and constitutional crimes, he just praised him as "always faithful."
Trump, meanwhile, is unraveling. Mercifully, he's mostly golfing, only rarely popping up to rant online, spout "bat-guano-crazy" lies in bonkers pressers, attack or threaten to sue the Times, the government, Georgia et al, and slam a successful former prosecutor, A.G. and senator as "too dumb to debate," "a crazy person," "a bumbling communist lunatic," "a socialist lunatic," "a bitch," and "real garbage" - this, from an old guy in clown makeup and manifest cognitive decline. Increasingly, the world he inhabits bearslittle resemblance to the real one. Despite his dystopian accounts of a decrepit country awash in violent crime, the economy is thriving and most cities have seen a big drop in crime, including on a southern border with some of the lowest crime rates. His portrayals of "the migrants Harris let in" - they've taken "over 100%" of new jobs created, they're "tough," "mean," "raping our women" - are ugly fiction; some theorize he's so stupid he's confused "asking for asylum" with the "insane asylums" he yawps they've come from.
The hero who "took a bullet for democracy" has angrily rejected the suggestion of his own FBI director Christopher Wray, who should resign for “LYING TO CONGRESS," that his close call came from a teleprompter shard: "It was (a) bullet that hit my ear, and hit it hard." He recovered fast enough to launch the new book Save America - $99, $499 signed - featuring bloodied, defiant photos from the event he stole from AP's Evan Vucci. He's also hawking $299, "limited-edition" FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT High-Tops with the same "iconic image (to) honor his unwavering determination and bravery," much like his $299 Never Surrender Low Tops. So all good on the grifting. But his judgment's iffy: He's waving to imaginary crowds, flying around in Jeffrey Epstein's (badly vetted) old plane, and frequently summoning "the late great Hannibal Lecter," a fictional cannibal-killer - because, his spokesman explains, "he's an inspiring and gifted storyteller, and referencing pop culture is (why) he can successfully connect with voters." LOL.
In truth, many argue with overpowering evidence, Trump's crazy-pants antics and word salad keep getting worse as his fortunes decline, and his mental health should be much more recognized and discussed than it is, notwithstanding the absurd, obsessive probing of Biden's lapses. "Trump is a deeply unwell man, a deeply psychologically disturbed individual," says George Conway, who says he's "been yammering about this" for years. "If he was a member of your family, you'd be staging an intervention." Conway cites the same narcissistic, sociopathic traits that have marked authoritarians through history, and the inevitable, "final implosion we're seeing now, like Hitler moving around divisions that didn't exist in the Fuhrer bunker in the last 10 days of the war." Of Trump - who regularly makes crackpot claims like he's done more for "the Blacks" than anyone since Honest Abe and "I’m doing really well in the Presidential Race, leading in almost all of the REAL Polls," Conway says, "He. has. completely. lost. it."
Among his recent "true Captain Queeg" moments: Claiming a larger crowd at Jan. 6 than Martin Luther King Jr. for his “I Have A Dream" speech in D.C. King’s speech to 250,000 led to the Civil Rights Act; Trump's speech to 53,000 led to an insurrection. The Borowitz Reportduly cited the "huge crowd" of voices Trump hears inside his head: “I have maybe millions of voices, all talking at the same time. How many voices does Kamala have? Maybe one, if she’s lucky...There are people in there from countries you’ve never heard of." There was also his batty charge Harris used AI to invent 15,000 people greeting her in Michigan. “Nobody was there," Trump raved. "This is the way the Democrats win Elections, by CHEATING.” He added, "She "should be disqualified because the creation of a fake image is ELECTION INTERFERENCE. Anyone who does that will cheat at ANYTHING!" And he should know. On the myth of the great man humbled by his brush with death, one wrote, "Wow! Such an uplifting message! Keep talking, dotard."
Implausibly, he does in fact keep talking, regardless of the wrangling efforts of harried advisers. It turns out many of the odd cultural references he pulls from his murky swamp of a battered mind - Hannibal, his lumpy clothes, the retro music he chooses, noticeably the Village People's disco hit YMCA, which despite its "hanging out with all the boys having fun" he hasn't yet figured out is a gay anthem - date from the 1980s, "the last time any of his shit functioned." Biographer Tim O'Brien calls Trump "a crypt keeper for the 1980s," when "anybody who matters even pretended they respected him. That’s when he got his picture on Playboy and Time covers. That’s why he thinks New York is a crime-infested murder show. Because, in his brain, it’s the ‘80s outside." That's also why he's been blasted or sued for copyright infringement by so many, mostly earlier musicians - Queen, Springsteen, Aerosmith, Leonard Cohen, Rolling Stones, George Harrison and 30 more - they have their own pissed-off page on Wikipedia.
He's currently being sued by both Celine Dion for hilariously, cluelessly using her ode to a sinking ship from the Titanic movie - a wry Dion: "Really, THAT song?" - and the family of late soul singer Isaac Hayes for using his 1966 Hold On, I’m Comin' without permission. Lawyers say Trump owes them $3 million, a heavily discounted fee given he's been "willfully and brazenly engaged in copyright infringement," despite their complaints, since 2022. Unsurprisingly, musicians' fury at a slimy Trump echoes many others'. Neil Young: "You are a disgrace to my country." Johnny Marr: "Consider this shit shut right down right now.” Michael Stipe: "Do not use our music (for) your moronic charade of a campaign." They could add to their call for redress the moronic charade of his compiled "dancing" - stiff-as-a-board, tiny fists clenched, blank stare, malevolent: "It’s rare to see someone dancing with a scowl on their face" - shown at the RNC convention to his enthused, irony-free clones and fans. Conrad: "The horror! The horror!"
And it keeps coming. Monday's babbling "biggest interview in history" with Elon Musk - "the two worst people in America" - swiftly devolved into "the incoherent in full pursuit of the unendurable," a "surprisingly dull meeting of two planet-sized egos plagued by technical glitches that only showcased Trump’s inability to complete a sentence." Trump trumpeted the X event with a plea for money - "We're calling on TEN MILLION Patriots to donate ANY AMOUNT" - and an operatic ad with Nazi marching music: "They're not coming after me, they're coming after you. Justice will be done." But first there was 42 minutes of silence broken only by "Muzakesque hold tunes," a tech debacle that for sure had nothing to do with Musk having promptly fired 80% of his workers, or "almost everyone who knew what they were doing." Trump later: "You're the greatest cutter." Still, many suggested it's maybe not a great idea to put in charge of Mars space trips or nuclear arsenals people who can't figure out how to run a live-stream in 2024.
The Harris/Waltz campaign was quick to mock the spectacle of two muted "self-obsessed rich guys, or whatever that was." They also posted Trump's snide blast of DeSantis' earlier "complete failure to launch" when the same thing happened to him in what one pundit called "another Musk trainwreck - the guy is like the Zodiac Killer of campaigns." Though Musk claimed he'd run multiple tech tests earlier, the sound when it finally came on was so weird, with Trump slurring and lisping, that social media dubbed him "Daffy Cuck" and #DentureDon. Still, many argued the "banal chatter" of a dysfunctional "dumpster fire" of "toxic masculinity and breathtaking mendacity," like "sitting with two drunks at a bar trying to set the world to rights" as Musk snickered, kowtowed and guffawed through Trump's unchecked rambling - Trump: "I know Putin, President Xi, Kim Jon Un, all of them." "Yeah, cool," gushed Musk, whose platform is banned in North Korea - made them crave the prior, peaceful 40 minutes of wallpaper music.
The two-hour babble: 60 million immigrants invading, Harris destroyed San Francisco, California, the sun, "they just took (Biden) out back (and) basically shot him," 35 states will do as well as Norway with no Dept. of Education, Russia defeated Napoleon - "It’s very unfair" - and, in "the dumbest climate conversation of all time," there'll be "more waterfront property - not a biggie." Pontificated Musk, "We’re at a fork in the road of the destiny of civilization." Then he asked fans for highlights he didn't have, and claimed 73 million listeners. Print media said it was a few hundred thousand. Trump, who measures his worth in numbers - ratings, buildings, money - said they "broke every record with many millions of people." But they seemed prickly, defensive. When the EU warned Musk of fines for violating their social media law on misinformation, he replied, "TAKE A BIG STEP BACK AND LITERALLY, F*CK YOUR OWN FACE!” When a reporter asked Trump aides about the lisp, he was told, "Must be your shitty hearing." Worse for the unloved boy whose greatest fear is being laughed at, a long-lost SNL video mysteriously resurfaced. Hellspawn, indeed.
This week, the weird guys kept yammering. A small crowd came to hear clumsy Vance in Michigan: "It's a little hot today but it's a beautiful state." He emitted a crock of ugly bullshit: "Kamala's green energy scams," tens of millions of illegals, no more steak, she "forced Americans to buy EVs made in China - it's the carburators that suffer," she "pretends to stand for normal people," she's "laughing and dancing while Americans lose their children to fentanyl," she's "been in charge of the government (sic) for almost 4 years and hasn't done a damn thing." Trump is likewise in "his happy place" - bravado, vindictiveness, insults, lies. In one golf course presser that "did him no favors," he told at least 162 lies in 64 minutes, what Pete Buttigieg called "the Olympics of lying." At a small rally in North Carolina, he did his "greatest hits of weirdness" while holding Tic Tocs in each hand. Mild Walz will usher in World War lll: "We've never been this close." Kamala, with "the laugh of a crazy person," is "the worst vice president in history."
Then, a dutiful half-pivot to economics: “They say it’s the most important subject." But first, Kamala on the cover of Time: "She was a totally disrespected person six weeks ago." Then windmills as a couple wants to watch teevee: "I'm sorry darling, we can't, the wind isn't blowing." COVID: "We never got the credit we deserved, with all the things we did, the outfits." Insulin: "$35 insulin. I did that." (NOT). Then - pivot! - high prices, fake facts: "Car insurance is up like 82%," empty promises: "We will rapidly drive prices down and make America affordable again (with) a person named President Donald J. Trump. Do you know him? He’s a nice gentleman. Your incomes will soar, your savings will grow..." Then another golf club, more bombast - "The wind is ruining everything!" "You'll be thrown into a communist system where everyone gets health care," he's "entitled" to insult his opponent - from "meanderings into the muck his mania," his "laundry list of increasingly bizarre claims that (push) the envelope in new and astonishing ways."
His "campaign," it is widely agreed, has "entered the please-shut-up phase" with its "manic, boastful, untruthful, aggrieved, abusive, obsessive, random, ignorant, tedious, bitchy" discord, all born of his fragile ego and sick need for attention. Thus did a fabulist who from the start portrayed a fictional America of chaos and "carnage” then forge it, denying the trauma, damage and loss it inflicted. "His campaign is yesterday," said one sage, with his solipsistic phobias and tiresome grievances; Harris/Walz is tomorrow. Calm, smart, joyful, capable and leading in most swing states, they are greeted by euphoric crowds hungry to heal, come together, move past the wreckage born of his "savage incompetence." "Dear White Christians," wrote pastor John Pavlovitz too long ago to those who mistook Trump's evil for good. "Now you get to be brave, and leave behind supposed people of faith who betray (virtue) for a bag of coins or a SCOTUS seat...It's time to admit that this was all a horrible mistake." Socialist lunatics, onward.
As a surging Harris/Walz team draws ecstatic crowds, the GOP's "giant weirdos" are flailing, name-calling, spewing "a firehose of cray-cray" and working hard to alienate every woman in America. After Trump claimed a Harris crowd of 15,000 "DIDN’T EXIST," fellow-fascist Elon Musk threw him a two-hour lifeline on X. It did not go well: tech glitches, slurred lies, banal bunk. Facts owe. The GOP is a crazy-town "clown car hitting a brick wall." Been there, done that, not going back.
Their indignant protests notwithstanding - punching down is unacceptable! - Republicans really have gotten head-swivelingly weird. Most of us already know this, but if you need more proof, here's MAGA at its most delusional: See-Sheep-Surrender cranks from the Daily Show, The Good Liars, a drunk "college-means-devil-worshipping, baby-blood drinking Dems" Roseanne, and a blessed-be-the-fruit Rep who wants us to return to a misgynistic Gilead. Meanwhile, malignant, money-grubbing "lawmakers" like Ted Cancun, trying to avoid revealing "ideas" like killing Social Security and Medicare, can only shriek about Kamala taking away their steaks, cheeseburgers, plastic straws or gas engines - "Why does he think anyone wants any of his crap?" - and House "leaders" like James Comer can only propose more sham "investigations" into the cost to Medicaid of Kamala personallysending "an open invitation to the world" to "unload all these illegals" into our pristine country. Just what the ever loving fuck: Idiot Yahoos 'R Us.
Little wonder, then, that even vaguely sane Republicans are deserting the raving, sinking ship of "chowderheads" in droves. They've launched a Republicans for Harris: "Conservatives believe in the Constitution, not a 'man’s' ego. You’re better than Trump." Over 200,000 "faithful, compassionate evangelicals exercising our God-given citizenship" have signed a pledge with Evangelicals for Harris to "reaffirm who (we) are" and vote for someone who "better reflects Christian values"; their first ad features Trump, queried if he's ever asked God for forgiveness for his sins, mugging, "I don't bring God into that picture," and the stark judgment, “Is there any greater denial of Christ (than) to say ‘I do not need His forgiveness?’'’ Dozens of his former staff and Cabinet members have declined to endorse him - some have also called him "a moron" - and even some of his Nazi supporters have publicly revoked their support and declared a "groyper war" against what they see as a demented old man headed for a "catastrophic loss."
In a floundering campaign where even the signs betray their incompetence - seeming to endorse Kamala or tell Trump he's fired - bumbling, lying, wooden J.V. Vance, a creepy weirdo and "insufferable, dead-eyed climber (with) moral malleability," isn't helping. Here, too, signs expose voters' repugnance for him: "Childless Cat Ladies for Kamala," "Ohio Hillbillies for Harris," "Sofa So Bad for Vance," and, in Manhattan with a sinister, double-chinned image of the guy who says reproductive choice is a "snake strangling the American family," "Your Body, My Choice." Among Vance's dystopian views: The country's low birth rate has "made many elites sociopaths," childless journalists are "psychotic," women in violent marriages should stay in them, Americans with children should get more votes than childless people "in New York or San Francisco," law enforcement should have access to women's health care records - all deemed hysterical" by Chelsea Handler: "Listen up, you wingnut elegy. I know a couch fucker when I see one."
Awful new reveals keep coming. Like Vance is a menstrual surveillance freak: He's one of eight GOP senators, along with some Freedom Caucus goons, who support surveillance of women's menstrual records by state law enforcement agencies. An anti-LGBTQ zealot who opposes abortion rights, marriage equality and IVF, he introduced a "Protect Children's Innocence Act" to charge with a felony doctors who provide health care to trans kids - though he does, evidently, like to dress in drag. Newly unearthed audio also reveals him agreeing that grandmothers helping raise kids is "the whole purpose of the postmenopausal female" - like his mother-in-law did for him, which is "this weird unadvertised feature of marrying an Indian woman," which is "the most transgressive thing I've done" against hyper--liberal (ideas) that are the root of our political problem." America: "What are females for?" and "Childless cat ladies and postmenopausal females: ASSEMBLE." Outraged, many - pols, nurses, CEOS, Margaret Atwood - did.
With an unhinged Trump largely MIA on the campaign trail as his advisers struggle to hinge him back to reality, it's fallen to the feckless Vance to do his job. Alas, he's proven...not great, with many cringe moments. Lacking charisma, experience, policy ideas or a self to call his own, he's sunk to endless lying, swiftboating Walz, trashing Harris while either pretending she's been president or forgetting she wasn't, stalking their rallies because he can't get his own crowds, coming up with lame retorts to Trump sins like befriending Nazis - "the thing I like (is) he will talk to anybody" - and, preposterously, denouncing Dems as name-calling bullies. One response: "Crooked Hillary, Crazy Nancy, Sleepy Joe, Coco Chow, Lyin' Ted, Rod DeSanctimonious, Birdbrain Nikki, Gavin Newscum, Pencil Neck Schiff, Pocahontas and Kamabla would all like a word." Still, he keeps going lower in his grotesque brown-nosing: Boldly ignoring Mr. Bone Spurs' lifelong moral, marital, political and constitutional crimes, he just praised him as "always faithful."
Trump, meanwhile, is unraveling. Mercifully, he's mostly golfing, only rarely popping up to rant online, spout "bat-guano-crazy" lies in bonkers pressers, attack or threaten to sue the Times, the government, Georgia et al, and slam a successful former prosecutor, A.G. and senator as "too dumb to debate," "a crazy person," "a bumbling communist lunatic," "a socialist lunatic," "a bitch," and "real garbage" - this, from an old guy in clown makeup and manifest cognitive decline. Increasingly, the world he inhabits bearslittle resemblance to the real one. Despite his dystopian accounts of a decrepit country awash in violent crime, the economy is thriving and most cities have seen a big drop in crime, including on a southern border with some of the lowest crime rates. His portrayals of "the migrants Harris let in" - they've taken "over 100%" of new jobs created, they're "tough," "mean," "raping our women" - are ugly fiction; some theorize he's so stupid he's confused "asking for asylum" with the "insane asylums" he yawps they've come from.
The hero who "took a bullet for democracy" has angrily rejected the suggestion of his own FBI director Christopher Wray, who should resign for “LYING TO CONGRESS," that his close call came from a teleprompter shard: "It was (a) bullet that hit my ear, and hit it hard." He recovered fast enough to launch the new book Save America - $99, $499 signed - featuring bloodied, defiant photos from the event he stole from AP's Evan Vucci. He's also hawking $299, "limited-edition" FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT High-Tops with the same "iconic image (to) honor his unwavering determination and bravery," much like his $299 Never Surrender Low Tops. So all good on the grifting. But his judgment's iffy: He's waving to imaginary crowds, flying around in Jeffrey Epstein's (badly vetted) old plane, and frequently summoning "the late great Hannibal Lecter," a fictional cannibal-killer - because, his spokesman explains, "he's an inspiring and gifted storyteller, and referencing pop culture is (why) he can successfully connect with voters." LOL.
In truth, many argue with overpowering evidence, Trump's crazy-pants antics and word salad keep getting worse as his fortunes decline, and his mental health should be much more recognized and discussed than it is, notwithstanding the absurd, obsessive probing of Biden's lapses. "Trump is a deeply unwell man, a deeply psychologically disturbed individual," says George Conway, who says he's "been yammering about this" for years. "If he was a member of your family, you'd be staging an intervention." Conway cites the same narcissistic, sociopathic traits that have marked authoritarians through history, and the inevitable, "final implosion we're seeing now, like Hitler moving around divisions that didn't exist in the Fuhrer bunker in the last 10 days of the war." Of Trump - who regularly makes crackpot claims like he's done more for "the Blacks" than anyone since Honest Abe and "I’m doing really well in the Presidential Race, leading in almost all of the REAL Polls," Conway says, "He. has. completely. lost. it."
Among his recent "true Captain Queeg" moments: Claiming a larger crowd at Jan. 6 than Martin Luther King Jr. for his “I Have A Dream" speech in D.C. King’s speech to 250,000 led to the Civil Rights Act; Trump's speech to 53,000 led to an insurrection. The Borowitz Reportduly cited the "huge crowd" of voices Trump hears inside his head: “I have maybe millions of voices, all talking at the same time. How many voices does Kamala have? Maybe one, if she’s lucky...There are people in there from countries you’ve never heard of." There was also his batty charge Harris used AI to invent 15,000 people greeting her in Michigan. “Nobody was there," Trump raved. "This is the way the Democrats win Elections, by CHEATING.” He added, "She "should be disqualified because the creation of a fake image is ELECTION INTERFERENCE. Anyone who does that will cheat at ANYTHING!" And he should know. On the myth of the great man humbled by his brush with death, one wrote, "Wow! Such an uplifting message! Keep talking, dotard."
Implausibly, he does in fact keep talking, regardless of the wrangling efforts of harried advisers. It turns out many of the odd cultural references he pulls from his murky swamp of a battered mind - Hannibal, his lumpy clothes, the retro music he chooses, noticeably the Village People's disco hit YMCA, which despite its "hanging out with all the boys having fun" he hasn't yet figured out is a gay anthem - date from the 1980s, "the last time any of his shit functioned." Biographer Tim O'Brien calls Trump "a crypt keeper for the 1980s," when "anybody who matters even pretended they respected him. That’s when he got his picture on Playboy and Time covers. That’s why he thinks New York is a crime-infested murder show. Because, in his brain, it’s the ‘80s outside." That's also why he's been blasted or sued for copyright infringement by so many, mostly earlier musicians - Queen, Springsteen, Aerosmith, Leonard Cohen, Rolling Stones, George Harrison and 30 more - they have their own pissed-off page on Wikipedia.
He's currently being sued by both Celine Dion for hilariously, cluelessly using her ode to a sinking ship from the Titanic movie - a wry Dion: "Really, THAT song?" - and the family of late soul singer Isaac Hayes for using his 1966 Hold On, I’m Comin' without permission. Lawyers say Trump owes them $3 million, a heavily discounted fee given he's been "willfully and brazenly engaged in copyright infringement," despite their complaints, since 2022. Unsurprisingly, musicians' fury at a slimy Trump echoes many others'. Neil Young: "You are a disgrace to my country." Johnny Marr: "Consider this shit shut right down right now.” Michael Stipe: "Do not use our music (for) your moronic charade of a campaign." They could add to their call for redress the moronic charade of his compiled "dancing" - stiff-as-a-board, tiny fists clenched, blank stare, malevolent: "It’s rare to see someone dancing with a scowl on their face" - shown at the RNC convention to his enthused, irony-free clones and fans. Conrad: "The horror! The horror!"
And it keeps coming. Monday's babbling "biggest interview in history" with Elon Musk - "the two worst people in America" - swiftly devolved into "the incoherent in full pursuit of the unendurable," a "surprisingly dull meeting of two planet-sized egos plagued by technical glitches that only showcased Trump’s inability to complete a sentence." Trump trumpeted the X event with a plea for money - "We're calling on TEN MILLION Patriots to donate ANY AMOUNT" - and an operatic ad with Nazi marching music: "They're not coming after me, they're coming after you. Justice will be done." But first there was 42 minutes of silence broken only by "Muzakesque hold tunes," a tech debacle that for sure had nothing to do with Musk having promptly fired 80% of his workers, or "almost everyone who knew what they were doing." Trump later: "You're the greatest cutter." Still, many suggested it's maybe not a great idea to put in charge of Mars space trips or nuclear arsenals people who can't figure out how to run a live-stream in 2024.
The Harris/Waltz campaign was quick to mock the spectacle of two muted "self-obsessed rich guys, or whatever that was." They also posted Trump's snide blast of DeSantis' earlier "complete failure to launch" when the same thing happened to him in what one pundit called "another Musk trainwreck - the guy is like the Zodiac Killer of campaigns." Though Musk claimed he'd run multiple tech tests earlier, the sound when it finally came on was so weird, with Trump slurring and lisping, that social media dubbed him "Daffy Cuck" and #DentureDon. Still, many argued the "banal chatter" of a dysfunctional "dumpster fire" of "toxic masculinity and breathtaking mendacity," like "sitting with two drunks at a bar trying to set the world to rights" as Musk snickered, kowtowed and guffawed through Trump's unchecked rambling - Trump: "I know Putin, President Xi, Kim Jon Un, all of them." "Yeah, cool," gushed Musk, whose platform is banned in North Korea - made them crave the prior, peaceful 40 minutes of wallpaper music.
The two-hour babble: 60 million immigrants invading, Harris destroyed San Francisco, California, the sun, "they just took (Biden) out back (and) basically shot him," 35 states will do as well as Norway with no Dept. of Education, Russia defeated Napoleon - "It’s very unfair" - and, in "the dumbest climate conversation of all time," there'll be "more waterfront property - not a biggie." Pontificated Musk, "We’re at a fork in the road of the destiny of civilization." Then he asked fans for highlights he didn't have, and claimed 73 million listeners. Print media said it was a few hundred thousand. Trump, who measures his worth in numbers - ratings, buildings, money - said they "broke every record with many millions of people." But they seemed prickly, defensive. When the EU warned Musk of fines for violating their social media law on misinformation, he replied, "TAKE A BIG STEP BACK AND LITERALLY, F*CK YOUR OWN FACE!” When a reporter asked Trump aides about the lisp, he was told, "Must be your shitty hearing." Worse for the unloved boy whose greatest fear is being laughed at, a long-lost SNL video mysteriously resurfaced. Hellspawn, indeed.
This week, the weird guys kept yammering. A small crowd came to hear clumsy Vance in Michigan: "It's a little hot today but it's a beautiful state." He emitted a crock of ugly bullshit: "Kamala's green energy scams," tens of millions of illegals, no more steak, she "forced Americans to buy EVs made in China - it's the carburators that suffer," she "pretends to stand for normal people," she's "laughing and dancing while Americans lose their children to fentanyl," she's "been in charge of the government (sic) for almost 4 years and hasn't done a damn thing." Trump is likewise in "his happy place" - bravado, vindictiveness, insults, lies. In one golf course presser that "did him no favors," he told at least 162 lies in 64 minutes, what Pete Buttigieg called "the Olympics of lying." At a small rally in North Carolina, he did his "greatest hits of weirdness" while holding Tic Tocs in each hand. Mild Walz will usher in World War lll: "We've never been this close." Kamala, with "the laugh of a crazy person," is "the worst vice president in history."
Then, a dutiful half-pivot to economics: “They say it’s the most important subject." But first, Kamala on the cover of Time: "She was a totally disrespected person six weeks ago." Then windmills as a couple wants to watch teevee: "I'm sorry darling, we can't, the wind isn't blowing." COVID: "We never got the credit we deserved, with all the things we did, the outfits." Insulin: "$35 insulin. I did that." (NOT). Then - pivot! - high prices, fake facts: "Car insurance is up like 82%," empty promises: "We will rapidly drive prices down and make America affordable again (with) a person named President Donald J. Trump. Do you know him? He’s a nice gentleman. Your incomes will soar, your savings will grow..." Then another golf club, more bombast - "The wind is ruining everything!" "You'll be thrown into a communist system where everyone gets health care," he's "entitled" to insult his opponent - from "meanderings into the muck his mania," his "laundry list of increasingly bizarre claims that (push) the envelope in new and astonishing ways."
His "campaign," it is widely agreed, has "entered the please-shut-up phase" with its "manic, boastful, untruthful, aggrieved, abusive, obsessive, random, ignorant, tedious, bitchy" discord, all born of his fragile ego and sick need for attention. Thus did a fabulist who from the start portrayed a fictional America of chaos and "carnage” then forge it, denying the trauma, damage and loss it inflicted. "His campaign is yesterday," said one sage, with his solipsistic phobias and tiresome grievances; Harris/Walz is tomorrow. Calm, smart, joyful, capable and leading in most swing states, they are greeted by euphoric crowds hungry to heal, come together, move past the wreckage born of his "savage incompetence." "Dear White Christians," wrote pastor John Pavlovitz too long ago to those who mistook Trump's evil for good. "Now you get to be brave, and leave behind supposed people of faith who betray (virtue) for a bag of coins or a SCOTUS seat...It's time to admit that this was all a horrible mistake." Socialist lunatics, onward.