Drip, Drip, Drip: Manifest Lunatic ​ Gaslighting Destiny Looms

Though we got distracted by the confederacy of fascists hoping to run and burn down the government, we were just rudely reminded their Cantaloupe Leader is still a jabbering madman at a presser where he said the Jan. 6 mob was FBI, Hezbollah and peaceful grandmothers, Biden wants to ban drilling in the "whole ocean," aka 0.7% of it, heaters make us itchy, commies will kill showers, and we should invade Greenland, Panama and Canada because. Post-election Onion headline: "America defeats America."

With a media focused for weeks on the stunningly unqualified" racists, rapists and billionaire crooks the crazy Hitler-elect guy was gleefully choosing to do his bidding - Space Nazi! Mr. Brainworm! - many Americans managed to tamp down the terrifying reality the country had elected a spiteful, sputtering, narcissistic nitwit who can't follow his own train-wreck of thoughts, has no clue and has no fucks to give on the stupendously dumb premise gas and eggs would be cheaper. (They won't.) There were signs, mostly via rabid missives online. During the holidays, he offered an alleged "Merry Christmas" to "the wonderful soldiers of China who are lovingly, but illegally, operating the Panama Canal" making sure we spend "Billions in (and 'repair' work but have nothing to say about 'anything';" to the "Radical Left Lunatics" trying to "obstruct our Courts, Elections, and (our) Great Patriots but, in particular, their Political Opponent, ME"; and to the 37 of 40 Death Row inmates whose sentences Biden commuted - who "killed (and) plundered like virtually no one before them" - with, "GO TO HELL!”

The lamest, thinnest-skin crybaby in history also whined that peanut-farming shit Jimmy Carter deliberately died right before his big party so now flags will be flying at half-staff - he said half-mast, like on a boat - during his inauguration, which Americans "don't want to see." Democrats are "giddy" about the affront to him, he said, "because they don’t love our Country, they only think about themselves," a statement that broke an Irony-o-dometer that's already seen some tough times. Actually, though, Americans seemed to get a kick out of it all: Online, they admired "the final gift" from a good man who "really had a great sense of humor." "The flags don't lie," said one. "His inauguration is a day of mourning."

Still, the bleak, crass, cognitively impaired reality "came roaring back" at Tuesday's press conference at Mar-A-Hell-Go where, lathered in thick clown make-up, he resurrected his ghastly shtick, per Jeff Tiedrich, as "An Elderly Golfer Wrong About Everything." Given the date, his Jan 6 "Day of Love" was a key topic. Of course it's already been revised by faux-outraged Republicans who, after the dark day, blasted the "Capitol Chaos" and "Sad Day For America" as "disgraceful," "despicable," "repugnant,' "un-American." That was then, this is now. Lickspittle Georgia Rep. Mike Collins dreamily recalls #ThisDayInHistory when "thousands of peaceful grandmothers gathered in Washington, D.C. to take a self-guided, albeit unauthorized, tour of the U.S. Capitol building." After the Trump rally, he asserts, "supporters walked to the Capitol to peacefully protest (the) 2020 election. During this time, some individuals entered the Capitol, took photos, and explored the building before leaving." Since then, he adds, they've been "treated unjustly" while millions of immigrants invade.SAD!

"Are you fucking kidding me?" shrieks JojofromJerz on the GOP "disappearing an insurrection." "Look - over there! An invisible trans furry imigrant wants to eat your pets and use your bathroom!!" As to their claim there's no point in "reliving the events of the past," she notes these are the "same Confederate flag-flying, single-tooth, thesaurus-phobic fucksticks who still can’t 'get over' losing the Civil fucking War." "It was a dark day we ALL saw, and heard, and lived....We are being gaslit." Asked about his promised pardons, though, Trump happily stepped through the Looking Glass. "Well, we're looking at it," he babbled. Verbatim: "We have other people in there, and as you see I guess 24 or 28 people came from the FBI, that came out, very quietly, nobody reported it, they had 4 or 5 people that were strongly related to the FBI and we have to find out about that, we have to find out about Hezbollah... We have to find out about just who exactly was in that whole thing." FBI, Hezbollah, peaceful grandmothers, Day of Love, that whole thing: What a time was had by all.

Equally unintelligibly, he lurched to other matters. A lifetime germaphobe, he landed on one of his favorite fetishes - evil environmentalists." Verbatim again: "These people are crazy, there's something wrong with them...They also want to go back, and they have already started that, so when you buy a faucet, no water comes out...Even in areas that have so much water, you don't know what to do. It's called rain. It comes down (from) heaven. And they want to do - no water comes out of the shower. It goes drip...drip...drip.....They want to go back to even stronger than what they have right now...Makes no difference. It comes weird, especially in certain areas...We have so much water, we don't know what to do with it."

Though he evidently relishes the water in showers, toilets etc, he's indifferent to the devastation of the lakes and oceans that provide much of it. He trashed Biden's effort to bar off-shore oil drilling in 625 million acres of water with, "625 million acres... That's like the whole ocean." Not: 625 million acres is 0.7% of the 88 billion acres of ocean. Virtually ignoring the reality that oil badly pollutes our oceans and dangerously continues the reliance on and damage from fossil fuels, his spokesperson called Biden's decision "disgraceful” and (somehow) "designed to exact political revenge on the American people...Rest assured, Joe Biden will fail, and we will drill, baby, drill." Because stupid is as stupid does.

The bread-and-circus idiocracy truly came into focus, however, when Great Leader started outlining his imperialist plans to take over several sovereign nations, spouting nonsensical "arguments" that resembled, like any unhinged, megomaniacal toddler with daddy issues asked why he spread peanut butter all over the living room, because I can. It's not that surprising: He's been making empire-building noises for a while within a reckless, bellicose party of hubris-bloated billionaires who somehow still believe in American exceptionalism; when one was reprimanded with, "The U.S. is not an expansionist military power," he retorted, "Why not?" Similarly, possible loose-cannon Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, asked about Ukraine, blithely dismissed the danger of Putin invading other Eastern European countries if he isn't stopped there. "It feels like Putin's give-me-my-shit-back war," he said. "We used to have the Soviet Union, and Ukraine was part of it, and I want my shit back." Now, it seems, little Donnie is following the bold lead of his mentor. And so to Greenland.

Former Trump officials say he got so fixated on Greenland after a billionaire "friend" suggested "acquiring" it that National Security Council staff, as ordered, spent months looking into it, never mind Denmark's insisted it's not for sale and pushing the issue could alienate both Greenlanders and Danes, who host a U.S. military base. Still, Trump keeps yammering about taking it over for "national security purposes," spouting "facts" like Truman trying to buy it in 1867 though that was 17 years before he was born. Asked in his presser if he could "assure the world" he wouldn't use military force to invade Greenland or Panama (see Chinese soldiers) he quickly said no. Then he went to rant online: "This is a deal that must happen...We will protect it, and cherish it, from a very vicious outside World. MAGA! MAKE GREENLAND GREAT AGAIN!” Then he sent his idiot son and "reps" to sightsee his new almost-acquisition, braying "it's big MAGA country" and "the reception was great," at least from one MAGA guy he re-posted who turned out to be a big-shot drug dealer who'd done a lot of time.

When Junior went to a restaurant - 17 phones in the air - Trump called in to greet the patrons and insist we need to take over their country because there are “ships sailing around and they’re not the right ships.” Uh huh. Little Donnie Jr. fled the first day - no coke there? - but said it was was an "incredible experience" even if "Danish fake news (was) doing a lot of anti-American sentiment," maybe because just 4% of Danes preferred Trump to Harris. "We do not like the Trump crime family," one wrote," and the drug-addict son of a rapist pedophile convicted felon racist Nazi traitor visiting Greenland is not well liked." Hilariously, expert say Trump's invasion mania may stem from the fact that he doesn't "understand how maps work." The Mercator projection for map-making distorts the size of land masses near the poles on flat surfaces, making them look far larger than they are to, say, a crowd-size-obsessed tinpot dictator "That," says one appalled journalist, "is the level that American foreign policy is about to be operating on."

Fat Napoleon, nonetheless, waddles on. Having already trolled Justin Trudeau as "Governor," he's shared two outlandish maps online of Canada incorporated into the U.S, the whole splashed with "United States of America," prompting one Canadian to call him "an imbecile (with) the maturity of a petulant six-year-old child." Canada's Liberal Party responded with their own map "for anyone who may be confused": it shows a map of North America labeled "United States" and "Not Untied States." And from one MP: "Canada has something called 'democracy.' 'It means the leader is accountable to Parliament and can be replaced....And convicted sexual abusers don't get to lead our nation. We're decent folk."

Trump's final, incognizant purchase: "Mexico’s in alotta trouble. Very dangerous place...Pretty soon, we're going to change - because we do most of the work there, it’s ours. We’re going to be changing the name of the Gulf of Mexico to the Gulf of America, which has a beautiful ring. The Gulf of America." One response: "Someone shoot me." Another: "This is Caligula-naming-his-horse-a-consul level stuff."Even some Repubs hedged: "There are a number of issues he’s raised that we’ll get a chance to consider." But Texas Rep. Brandon Gill loved it all - Panama, Greenland, Mexico, America's "golden age." "This is the new Manifest Destiny," he crowed. "This is the light of America expanding." This is also the malignant moron who called America "a horrible place," said electric heaters "make people itch," blamed Gov. Newsom for California's wildfires, is bullying SCOTUS to ignore the law, is avowing, "I did nothing wrong. I won all those cases," and has jumped the rails before he's begun. Aaron Rupar on the presser, a bad taste of his reign: "That was fucking crazy. Congrats, America."