In the name of Sophocles' "sweetest mockery," we salute the heroic Joe Flood, aka "Red Bike Guy," who took it upon himself to stage a one-man (and bike) counter-protest when a phalanx of Patriot Front Nazis came to D.C. in their copycat khakis and face masks to spew white supremacist bile. With no dissenters in sight, Flood felt "a duty" to heckle them, from "You wear Walmart khakis" to "Your mom hates you." Beleaguered America rejoiced. Twitter: "From the ashes, a hero rises."
The latest infestation of Nazi cosplayers, consisting of about 100 chuds in requisite khaki pants, navy shirts, baseball caps, weird white masks and sunglasses (but it's not like they're trying to hide or anything), marched to the National Mall with home-made shields, flags flying, and signs demanding, "Reclaim America," presumably for strapping young Aryans like themselves. The Southern Poverty Law Center describes the Front as “an image-obsessed organization (with an) explicitly fascist agenda... focusing on theatrical rhetoric and activism”; they held several actions last year across the country, including a planned riot in Idaho to disrupt a Pride event for which 31 members were arrested. Because Saturday's event was evidently unannounced, except to D.C. police who surrounded them, there were no counter-protesters.
Enter Flood, 56, a D.C. writer, street photographer and government contractor who often sees, and ignores, protests around the city. Rolling up to this particularly repugnant gathering on a red Capital Bikeshare and seeing no like-minded cohorts, he said he "felt like I had a duty to yell at them....to be the counter-protest to represent all the people in DC who despise (them)." Besides, he said, "They look like the Geek Squad to me. I just thought they looked like a joke. And I don’t think there’s any point in trying to engage (or) debate with these people." Instead, following the counsel of Milan Kundera - "Mockery is a rust that corrodes all it touches" - Flood took to torching them, and especially their exceedingly dorky-looking leader Thomas Rousseau as he tried to give a Very Serious speech, with every petty, brutal, juvenile, belittling insult that came to him.
Flood: “Show your faces, losers.” Rousseau: “I would like to speak of our nation’s great history.” Flood: “You wear Walmart khakis.” (The cops laughed). Rousseau: "There will be no America to fight for." Flood: “Hi! Hi, fascists! No one likes you. Your mom hates you. Your friends hate you. You were the losers of your high-school class.” Rousseau: "The U.S., a once-great country, is cast adrift.” Flood: “You're sloppy. You're not even matching - you all have different pants on. Cargo pants are out. Reclaim your virginity!” Rousseau: “The suburbs have turned into a refuge from the cities.” Flood: “You’re from the suburbs!” And, as Rousseau kept checking his notes, "Why can’t you memorize your speech?...You look like General Custer’s illegitimate son." After that, "The guy sighed and looked at me, and I thought, ‘I got in your head. Now get out of my town.'”
Eventually, Flood saw them depart by public transport: "The fascists left via the Great Society subway." By then, the loudmouth known only as "Red Bike Guy" was D.C.'s newest hero. Video of him haranguing "the sad little boys" was viewed millions of times. His brilliant oratory was lauded: "'You wear Walmart khakis' was a deep cut I didn't even realize existed." A Tennessee baker made a Red Bike Guy cake declaring, “Cargo Pants Are OUT!" A couple of friends started selling t-shirts - "Fight back on a bike" - with some of his slurs, donating a portion of proceeds to Chef Jose Andre's World Central Kitchen. And Rachel Maddow sang his praises: "He felt he had to say something, so he did." Flood wrote, "I didn’t know I was being filmed, and that it would go viral...At that moment, I was just determined to ruin their day."
Happily, he's got plenty of company. His performance reminded us of Vinny Thomas, a Chicago actor/comic/wise-guy virtuoso whose Twitter ID is, "Ancient reptile. Stern but fair." He has a fabulous routine wherein the Galactic Federation interviews Earth for membership: "Do you have enough food? Because it looks like you're starving...Oh, so, starving because of logistics?... Oh, you still have prisons?" He also did one when the Patriot Front went to D.C last year: "So, it's gonna be navy blue tops and khaki bottoms. No jeans (glares at Fred, who once wore jeans) 'cause if we don't match, it's not gonna be scary...The aesthetic we're going for is Ku Klux Klan, bitch, but it's at Best Buy." And he picked up "the cutest little plastic serving trays" at Dollar Tree to make shields: "They'll make us look like..little soldiers." Smiles sweetly. Gotta laugh or cry.
