Ooof: Clown Alert With Popcorn

In another class move from perennially envious 12-year-old Fuhrer-elect Trump, he announced MAGA actors Jon Voight, Mel Gibson and Sylvester Stallone will be "Special Ambassadors" to Hollywood, though it's not a foreign country, to "be my eyes and ears" and "bring Hollywood BACK...BIGGER, BETTER" - but without Jews - just like 'Murica. His decision to go all Leni Riefenstahl with a touch of Joseph McCarthy was exuberantly greeted as "most predictable popularity crutch attempt ever" and "meaningless bullshit."

With wildfires still raging in California and other things conceivably on residents' minds, Trump took to his crappy platform Thursday night to say it was "my Honor" to announce his shiny new "Special Envoys" to "a great but very troubled place," Hollywood, California” for "the purpose of bringing Hollywood, which has lost much business over the last four years to Foreign Countries, BACK." With the stink of blacklisting hovering in the air, he added, “These three very talented people will be my eyes and ears, and I will get done what they suggest. It will again be, like The United States of America itself, The Golden Age of Hollywood!.” (With no more Jews, of course, or other brown, black, queer or weird undesirables.)

Voight has been a longtime fan of Trump, who in 2019 awarded him a National Medal of Arts for being a longtime fan. Gibson has been shunned for years in Hollywood after spewing anti-Semitic slurs, and surfaced recently to spew globalist conspiracies about the California fires after his house burned down. Stallone is the newest entry to MAGA, endorsing Trump late in the 2024 campaign; he made up for lost time and servility at a recent America First Policy gala where he called Trump "the second George Washington” and “a really mythical character." (Hmm). Their new gigs were widely celebrated as an "impressive achievement": "Wow! He managed to get three of the biggest names (in) 1985! "

Despite the celebrity-obsessed Trump having already named 18 Fox News bobbleheads to his "government," the news still struck many as a clown too far. "We're just making shit up now," said one, comparing the move to The Office's Michael Scott yelling, “I declare bankruptcy.” Another, "Idiocracy was too timid in its predictions." Others suggested, "Trump is still butt hurt because he was never invited to the cool kids' party," "Joe McCarthy is smirking in his grave," they'll make "right-wing, uber-religious movies that only right-wing, uber-religious people (will) see," or, reflecting the dystopian times, they'll make new versions of old ones: "Mr Shit Goes to Washington, "The Lady Vanishes,” "Night of the Hunter's Laptop."

There were questions about the new move in the war on woke: "Will they get diplomatic immunity?" "Is this what I deserve for thinking The Expendables 2 was sort of cool?" Was Randy Quaid asking, 'So, is this a ‘stand back and stand by’ type assignment for me or...?'” And, most vitally, "Are egg prices lower yet?" Still, there was one widespread, hard-earned, bone-weary consensus: "Trump really is not a serious person." Shockingly, the "ambassador" announcement seemed a spur-of-the-moment move; Gibson only heard of it on social media, but nobly said, "Nevertheless, I heed the call." Happily, the others echoed him. They all said they'll do it "so long as they don’t have to make one of those new fangled talkies."