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sexism
The Election Does Not Redeem Donald Trump’s Moral Indecency
We can and must keep standing against his cruelty.
Nov 20, 2024
Tens of millions of Americans voted against Donald Trump and the cruelty he celebrates. None of us have to see the election as a vindication of his contempt for democracy, basic decency, and anyone who disagrees with him. In our constitutional democracy, there is never a final election, there is always another day, and it is indisputably legitimate to speak up and criticize those in elected office, including the president.
Today, we doubt these basic truths because we know Trump seeks to undo them. He has made clear that he wants to rule as an American Putin. That is certainly his goal, and we cannot pretend otherwise. But we need not accept this or conclude it is inevitable. There is no guarantee he succeeds, and we must use all legal and peaceful means available to us in order to stand in his way and to insist on the enduring primacy of our democratic values and our constitutional system.
The fact that most voters preferred Trump does not mean what is immoral is now moral, what is obscene is now respectable.
Trump sneers at the cherished principles that truly make the United States great—the rule of law, racial equality, equality of men and women, constitutional rights like freedom of speech and due process, free and fair elections, and the notion of limits on power that make government officials public servants advancing the national interest rather than kleptocrats seeking to line their own pockets. Those who reject what Trump stands for must defend these principles and insist on the centrality of distinctions between right and wrong, even as Trump seeks to eviscerate the very notion of morality.
Consider the basic moral concepts we learned as children. Bullies are bad. Lying is wrong. You don’t insult someone else, and especially not because of how they look or where they come from. Trump embodies each and every one of these immoral traits. He is a schoolyard bully who delights in crude insults, which I will not repeat but which we have all heard so many times that we may have become desensitized to these outrages. Yet we know what he has said, and we know who he is. We know that he degrades and demeans women, immigrants, people of color, people with disabilities—indeed, anyone who is different from him and anyone who dares to disagree with him. No elementary school teacher would tolerate such behavior from a student, and we can never accept such moral failure from a person placed in a position of public trust.
Those who Trump insults, mocks, and derides are human beings, although he smears them as “vermin,” “dogs,” and “animals,” words that are obviously intended to dehumanize. Indeed, he has quite literally said that some immigrants are “not people.” He will not extend to others the basic courtesies and respect that decent people instinctively extend to co-workers, members of the community, and indeed all human beings. Trump’s goal is to mark us as second-class citizens—at best. He does not have this power unless we cede it to him or unless others, especially other government officials, defer to him. There is very little Trump can accomplish on his own and, although he feels no sense of shame, some of those he will ask to carry out his plans may. We must remind them that there is a difference between right and wrong, and that morality matters. We must remember that, even if some of us do not seem to be the initial targets of Trump’s wrath, we must stand with those who are most vulnerable, recognizing that when cruelty singles out one group, we do not know where it will end.
We have lived with all of this for nearly a decade, and we are tired. We are sick of Trump’s bullying, his lack of decency, his preening egotism and constant demand for adulation. We hoped that all of this could be placed in our past. Instead, it continues to be our reality. Some will ask us to reconcile with this, to accept it. We need not do either. This is what it means to be free. We certainly should not adopt Trump’s own tactics. We must refuse to embrace the politics of personal insults, bullying, and hatred. Yet we must continue to insist it is wrong when Trump does these things, and that, even though it has now become normal, making cruelty normal is a rejection of our most fundamental principles that we can never accept. Trump won an election—an election where nearly half of voters rejected his tired, blustering act. The fact that most voters preferred Trump does not mean what is immoral is now moral, what is obscene is now respectable. The celebration of disrespect and indecency will never be right. No election can change that.
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An Adjudicated Rapist in the White House
Not only are women and girls getting the message, but so are the men and boys.
Nov 17, 2024
As a trauma-informed psychotherapist, for decades I’ve had the privilege of working with countless sexual assault survivors while consulting at a rape crisis center and more recently in my private practice. During Trump’s defamation and sexual assault trial (E. Jean Carroll v. Donald J. Trump), I was contacted by former and current patient-survivors who were understandably shaken by how Carroll was treated. She was disbelieved, her motives were questioned, and she was mocked or ignored.* This is precisely why many survivors never come forward. Such ill-treatment precisely when someone needs support the most compounds the trauma.
In the days since the election, I’ve had a similar spate of texts/calls/sessions with women who are devastated, disoriented, and scared. (All genders can be sexual assault victims. I just happen to have been in touch with women.)
“It’s mindboggling to me that the fact that [Trump] is an adjudicated rapist, all by itself isn’t enough to make voting for him out of the question,” one woman sobbed, as she buried her face in her hands.
“Why in the hell does the media treat a rapist like a “normal” candidate?” asked another.
Still another texted, “I thought this was the #MeToo era. How can this be?”
Deep-rooted sexism is how. Ask E. Jean Carroll. Ask Christine Blasey Ford. Ask Kamala Harris. Ask millions of women. If you’re someone who voted for Trump, regardless of your reason, there’s no escaping the fact that you participated in that sexism. And before you say it: yes, the 53% of white women who voted for Trump are accountable, as well. Sexism isn’t bound by gender. It can be internalized and championed by anyone. (Same with racism, ableism, ageism, homophobia, etc.) It’s not all that uncommon. To be clear, my goal isn’t to shame. But rather, I hope to invite an honest reckoning, just as I do with my patients as I support them on their journeys, and just as I do with myself. And in that reckoning, perhaps, there can come some awareness and a future dialogue.
Make no mistake, this is going to have a chilling effect on survivors to come forward to report sexual assault.
If you don’t see yourself as someone who could be sexist, remember that sexism isn’t always the “grab ‘em by the pussy” variety. Those who voted for Trump told their daughters and sisters and mothers and women friends tacitly, but unmistakably, that they don’t care enough that the president of the United States is an adjudicated rapist not to vote for him. What reason could make it okay to vote for an adjudicated rapist? It seems that would be a deal breaker for folks who respect and want to protect women. Perhaps it never occurred to some that many women will no longer feel psychologically and physically safe knowing a man with so much power over them has paternalistically and threateningly said he’d “protect [us], whether [we] like it or not.” If a patient reported a partner/spouse had a pattern of saying things like that to her, we’d be discussing safety plans and where she was going to stash her “go bag” in case she needed to quickly flee.
Not only are women and girls getting the message, but so are the men and boys. A Trump vote signaled to men and boys that sexual assault isn’t that big of a deal. In just a few short days since Trump was elected, we’ve already seen how emboldened and entitled men and boys have become. The sickening Nick Fuentes post, “Your body, my choice” has gone viral. Men and boys of all ages are repeating it, some as young as grammar school. Those words are the promise of a predator. The philosophy of a rapist.
A vote for Trump has also given the message to sexual assault survivors, specifically, and women who go through life hoping like hell not to become a sexual assault survivor, that being held legally accountable for rape/sexual assault doesn’t really mean all that much, particularly if you’re a rich, white guy. Despite a jury’s findings of liability, you can be unrepentant and take zero responsibility for your actions, mock your victim on an international platform, and then be voted in by millions of people to hold the most powerful position on Earth.
“All hail, the Rapist-in-Chief,” one of my patients said, saluting and trying to joke through her tears.
Make no mistake, this is going to have a chilling effect on survivors to come forward to report sexual assault. It’s going to discourage them from getting the care and support they need. And just as with the undoing of Roe v. Wade, which robs women of bodily autonomy and the right to fully decide their own futures, it demeans and demoralizes all women.
If you’re a sexual assault survivor and a person of color, and/or also in the LGBTQ+ community, or disabled, low income, or unhoused, I don’t have to tell you about the added challenges those intersections bring. And sexual assault survivor or not, all of these communities, and more, will surely be deeply threatened under a second Trump term. As a psychotherapist, I’ve had the privilege of holding space for innumerable women who’ve told stories of violence and deep pain. I know what horrors we can inflict on each other and I’m not naïve about the uncertainty ahead. But I’ve also heard myriad stories of breathtaking resilience and kick-ass strength and triumph. If during these fraught times each of us commits, however we’re able, to meaningfully stand not only with survivors, but all women and girls, as well as marginalized communities, those are the empowering stories we’ll be sharing one day because it will have been the truth we lived.
*During the trial, I wrote about some of the misperceptions people have about how one “should” respond after being sexual assaulted here.
If you’re a survivor and need support and/or resources, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1.800.656.HOPE (4673); or go to www.rainn.org.
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Elon Musk Touts Arrival of 'Men' to Usher Fascist Trump to Victory
The billionaire's comments came after data showed large numbers of women took part in early voting.
Nov 05, 2024
After election watchers expressed shock over the weekend regarding evidence of women backing Democratic Vice President Kamala Harris in large numbers in traditionally conservative states, right-wing billionaire Elon Musk shared his own theory on Tuesday about the dynamics that will soon decide the winner of the U.S. presidential race.
"The cavalry has arrived," said Musk, the CEO of Tesla and SpaceX who has spent nearly $120 million on a super political action committee aimed at electing Republican nominee Donald Trump. "Men are voting in record numbers. They now realize everything is at stake."
Musk appeared to project confidence that voters had heard the plea he posted on X, his social media platform, at 2:43 am on Monday: "Men must vote!"
Musk has appeared at numerous rallies for Trump in recent weeks, and has used X to promote the former president's campaign. On Tuesday The New York Timesreported that he plans to spend election night with Trump at the nominee's Florida estate, prompting fears that the two men will use X to spread rampant misinformation.
But other high-profile Trump backers, including Turning Point Action executive director Charlie Kirk, have suggested they recognize that the large gender gap between Trump and Harris supporters could favor the Democratic candidate, with women showing up in larger numbers to vote early in recent weeks.
"Early vote has been disproportionately female," said Kirk last week, imploring men to vote for Trump "NOW."
Musk issued the rallying cry to men who support Trump days after pollster J. Ann Selzer, whose poll of Iowa voters is hailed as the "gold standard" survey in the Midwestern state, released her final poll before the election, showing Harris winning by three points. She noted that women older than 65 and independent women in particular have swung toward the vice president and that many respondents spoke about abortion rights; one of the nation's strictest abortion bans went into effect in Iowa in July.
While the winner of Iowa's electoral votes and of the presidential election won't be known until Tuesday night at the earliest, the poll led numerous political observers to posit that the Republican Party's attacks on reproductive rights could significantly dent Trump's support among women.
On Tuesday, Musk was joined by Ryan Girdusky, a conservative commentator who was recently removed from a panel on CNN for making an Islamophobic remark to progressive commentator Mehdi Hasan, in attempting to rally men to propel Trump to victory.
"It's not just Kamala Harris, it's every institution propping her up and tearing men down," said Girdusky on right-wing streaming service Real America's Voice. "This is the day you get to sit there and throw a human Molotov cocktail at the system, and his name is Donald Trump."
In recent weeks the Harris campaign has directly targeted women from conservative parts of the country, reminding them in an ad that their vote is private and that they can vote for the Democratic nominee even if they've traditionally voted Republican.
For his part, Trump's comments about women in the final days of the campaign have ranged from a promise to "protect" women "whether they like it or not" to his laughter at a rallygoer's joke about Harris having been a prostitute.
Responding to Musk's post on Tuesday, one mental health professional pointed him to a recent misogynistic post by Trump supporter Robert J. O'Neill, a former Navy SEAL who was involved in the Obama administration's operation that killed Osama bin Laden and who recently threatened young men who expressed support for Harris online.
"Your cavalry is a dying breed," the social worker said. "You're going to lose."
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