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Most memorable about this week's longest, basest, game-show SOTU, a toxic, lying, us-and-them hate fest: The rowdy multitude of responses from a populace "defying the lie that we are powerless." Bigly upstaging a goalie's Medal of Freedom was "a marathon of truth-telling," from a cogent Dem response to the Portland Frogs leading a restive, joyful, shaggy defense of "this thing we call democracy" by We the People, insisting, "Don't be afraid to call it fascism - we got to meet this fuckin' moment."
The State of the Union speech, already a stale ritual of forced national unity, felt more farcical than ever in these rancorous times, a tawdry, surreal piece of performance art whose only true believers may be those MAGA morons who, when challenged, frantically, mindlessly yell "USA!! USA!!," their version of, "Oh yeah?!" They resorted to it several times Tuesday at a tacky event that over 70 deeply fed up Democrats skipped. "The President has shown no respect for the principles upon which this country is based," argued Maine's Sen. Angus King. "I cannot in good conscience participate in (a) function that would require me to ignore all that has gone before, and to pay him a measure of respect he has not earned." Other apt SOTU responses: Turner Classic Movies showed Gaslight, and Jeff Tiedrich proclaimed, "The State of the Union is - oh, who gives a fuck, really?"
The "18-year-long," "excruciatingly tedious," "most openly racist State of the Union in modern history" came as its perpetrator faces record-low 36% approval ratings, trailing by double digits in swing states and bleeding support among independents as he babbles about "fake polls," "silent support" and "made-up numbers" by "professional cheaters." His deplorable flunkies aren't faring any better. In a civil trial where investors are suing Elon Musk, his lawyers can't find jurors because so many Americans "hate him." They also hate ICE Barbie and her stormtroopers, and Kash Patel for his $75K, not-at-all-personal trip to Milan to chug beer with hockey players that so infuriated his own work force they sent 8 videos of it to media. There's also Rep. Tony Gonzales with another sex scandal MAGA doesn't need (though they need his seat), and perennial losers Kegseth and Pirro.
Still, given he "continues to live in a fantasyland where stuff becomes true just because he says it is," his SOTU was awesome, like his glittering State of Denial. Likely invisible were the Suffragette white outfits of Dem women, the photos of Renee Good and Alex Pretti, Rep. Al Green's sign, "Black People Aren't Apes" (he was escorted from the chamber), the "Release the Epstein Files" pins, and the stalwart, near-dozen Epstein survivors themselves invited by Dem lawmakers, reminders of ghastly new evidence and allegations and cover-ups lurking behind one key question from survivor Jess Michaels: “Does our government belong to the American people, or to those who prey on them?” There was, of course, no answer. In fact, there was no mention of Epstein. Or of the reviled ICE, stalled DHS, on-the-brink Iran, or long-suffering Ukraine on the 4th anniversary of its invasion.
There was, instead, a hate-lie-and-grievance-filled shit show, a Klan rally of "white-supremacist wolf whistles," a "fascist rally peppered with flop-sweat one-liners," a slurred, venomous, fact-free barrage of boasts, insults, puffery met with faithful Kim Jong Un-esque applause from co-conspirators filling up empty seats for an old man who endlessly burbled, lurched and clung to a podium as he hid a gross bruised hand behind him. It was, wrote Ana Marie Cox, a speech "simultaneously banal and unsettling (by) a greasy fleshhole of hate...rancid and powerful." Her trenchant analysis: "I fucking hate this guy." And no, full disclosure, we did not watch it. We just...couldn't. But sincere thanks to those strong souls who chronicled the debacle, most notably Mehdi Hassan and the folks of Zeteo here and here. Also to Jimmy Kimmel, for his fine, no-diapers introduction.
The musty lies and bombast unspooled. We were a dead country but now we're "the hottest." Dems are "suddenly using the word 'affordability' - somebody gave it to them," but high prices are all their fault. Countries hit by tariffs are "happy." Most foul were lurid tales about the "scourge of illegal immigration," like "Somali pirates who have ransacked Minnesota" and "pillaged $19 billion from the American taxpayer," though it was 80 Somali-Americans, led by a white American woman, who committed some fraud while over 100,000, 95% of them U.S. citizens, pay nearly $70 million in taxes and contribute $8 billion to the community but sure let's go with a collective ethnic smear. The crude, dumb, divisive finale: Stand if you agree your first duty is "to protect American citizens, not illegal aliens" - and don't forget the Seig Heil. Cheap Theatrics 'R Us.
Dems sat. Trump raged, "You should be ashamed." Ilhan Omar fought back: "You should be ashamed. You're killing Americans." MAGA yelled "USA!" Goebbels Miller shrieked “0 democrats stood for the (principle) leaders must serve citizens before invaders. Never has there been a more stunning moment in Congress." True, but not how he thinks. In a final, Oprah moment, the "merit vampire" who thrives on stolen glory bragged, "We’re winning so much we don’t know what to do about it" and to prove it here's the carefully choreographed USA Olympic hockey team who jeered with him in the locker room about their women cohorts who won bigger: "Come on in!" The MAGA frat party dregs cheered, hooted, fist-pumped more "USA!" Then he gave out medals, and fed the athletes Big Macs. Press Barbie: "He knows how to celebrate champions. No one does it like him!"
Ugh. The flip side: Kudos to the five hockey players, and the moms who likely largely raised them, who declined the non- invite; four of five came from Minnesota. And kudos to Public Enemy Hall of Fame rapper Flavor Flav, a longtime supporter of women's sports, who invited the women's team to party in Las Vegas and "celebrate for real for real" in July on a She Got Game weekend funded by him and area resorts. And gracious thanks to actor, gourmand and all-round mensch Stanley Tucci, who hosted the women on the patio of his favorite Milan restaurant, the Michelin-starred Ristorante Ratanà, where they happily feasted on pumpkin risotto and just desserts. Meanwhile, in the wake of the mad king's claptrap, Democrats won three local elections in swing states: two in Pennsylvania for a majority in the state house, one in Maine, further cementing Democrats’ hold.
Finally, there were myriad, heartening alternative events where lawmakers, advocates, Epstein survivors and whistleblowers vowed to, "Lean in, stand up and show up" in defense of democracy and fierce resistance - and stark contrast - to the small, mean narcissist down the road making up "facts" and boasting about stripping 2.4 million people of food stamps. The official Democratic response, from Virginia Gov. Abigail Spanberger, was succinct and forceful. Citing the pernicious rhetoric, cruelty, cover-ups, scams, ballrooms, she asked who benefits: "Is the president working for you? We all know the answer is no." Sen. Alex Padilla pointedly gave a follow-up in Spanish. Famously last seen getting tackled by DHS thugs for daring to ask ICE Barbie about her brownshirts' violent abuses, he asserted, "I am still here. Still standing. Still fighting."
His sense of resolve was echoed at a "People’s State of the Union” rally on the National Mall held by MoveOn and Meidas Touch, where speakers lambasted Trump's imaginary "Golden Age of America" in a country that in fact offers "one reality for everyday people and another for the rich and well-protected." Citing vast unmet needs on healthcare, housing, jobs, Pennsylvania Rep. Summer Lee of the Working Families Party vowed to "elevate the voices of (those) angry, scared and fed up with an administration that’s done nothing to help and a lot to hurt everyday people." Sen. Chris Murphy decried a speech ignoring ICE "tear-gassing schools, murdering citizens, and disappearing legal immigrants." The Progressive Caucus' Greg Casar reviled a $4-billion grifter "lecturing you, the American people, about how good you have it (when) everyone but Trump’s rich friends knows it’s a disaster,."
Meanwhile, at the National Press Club a few blocks away, a dozen members of the illustrious Portland Frog Brigade headlined a giddy, heartfelt, sold-out State of the Swamp, a SOTU "ribbital" hosted by DEFIANCE.org and advocacy media network Courier where attendees were encouraged to gather, preferably in frog caps, in "peaceful defiance and civic participation." M.C.'ed by Defiance head and former Trump staffer Miles Taylor, the event drew dozens of speakers, and a few frogs, who over several hours gave resolute, kinetic, briskly-3-minute speeches focused on the vital need to remember that, "Democracy is something we do, not just something we have." The most substantial time went to the last three speakers - the combative mayors of Minneapolis and Chicago, and an enraged Robert DeNiro - and they were all electrifying.
The mood was chill, festive, occasionally profane, but the message was consistent: In the face of unprecedented threats to our democracy by "a rapist vulgarian named Donald Trump," we must, "Refuse to shut up, sit down, or even stop ribbiting. Stay LOUD." Between speakers, video clips showed historic figures of defiance: MLK Jr, Muhammad Ali, Black Panthers, James Baldwin, John Lewis, lunch-counter sit-ins, Jesse Jackson rousing Sesame Street kids to say, "I am somebody." Next to the stage, about 20 inflatable frogs, "the jesters of this movement," stood and often danced in a "frog pond" with signs: "Damn Straight," "Amphifa," "Frogs Not Fascists." Earlier, they'd hit the Capitol to hand out pocket Constitutions to members of Congress and toured D.C. for proud green selfies. Taylor: "Who better to help navigate the swamp than a creature born in the swamp?"
Despite the focus on matters of substance - housing, healthcare, climate crisis, ICE abuses, democracy itself - the tone of many speakers was light-hearted and self-deprecating. Delaware Gov. Matt Meyers: "There are more frogs in this room than people in my state." New York Rep. Dan Goldman: "It's great to be here and not in Congress tonight." Oregon Sen. Ron Wyden on his political low profile: "I'm barely a household name in my own household." Oregon Rep. Maxine Dexter: "Thank you to the frogs who hopped across the country." The array of speakers was admirably broad - from a panel of First Amendment legal defenders to former White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham - and outspoken on "the weak, dumb, small, sad man" and "pathetic whiny loser who knocked down the East Wing and thinks he can knock down our democracy."
Colorado Rep. Jason Crow, one of the six veterans along with Mark Kelly under attack by Kegseth for re-iterating that the military should follow the law, began with, "Well, President Trump keeps trying to put me in prison. But I've never been very good at sitting in my foxhole and letting them send grenades my way. I fight back." Motormouth Joe Walsh, former "rock-ribbed" conservative and Illinois GOP rep with serious buyer's remorse, and author of the 2020 book Fuck Silence: Calling Trump Out for the Cultish, Moronic, Authoritarian Con Man He Is, was resolute on the "cruel bastard" who gave us Jan. 6 and "don't you for one moment think he's not gonna try" to mess with coming elections: "This moment calls for all of us to be courageous - we ain't never been here before. Our job is to blow him outta the water. Fuck Trump. The mid-terms are happening."
Over hours, their messages aligned: Fascists come after everyone in the end, even fellow fascists. MAGA is waiting its turn in the trashbin of history. Help put it there. Courage is more contagious than cowardice. An old story is dying. The elites have never been the ones to save us - it's always the people. Cruelty isn't strength, nor is defying the rule of law. Strength is the moral courage to say this is not right, to see other people as fully human. When empathy disappears, authoritarianism is next. Gutsy Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey: "We are not spectators in this moment. We are stewards of our democracy. Hold strong." DeNiro, on feeling "betrayed" by today's America, "like an abused spouse professing love for their abuser." "You have to lift people up," he said, his voice cracking. "If you've ever loved your country, this is the time to show it."
The aftermath of a grotesque SOTU tells us everything we need to know about the historic moment. Trump raged about "the bulging, bloodshot eyes of crazy people" who declined to stand with his fascism: "We should send them back (on) a boat with Robert DeNiro, another sick and demented person....saying (things) seriously CRIMINAL!" News surfaced that, during the speech, Ilhan Omar guest Aliya Rahman, a disabled Minneapolis woman dragged from her car by ICE who later gave searing testimony to Congress, was forcibly removed by Capitol Police and charged with "Unlawful Conduct" after she silently stood up in the gallery, like many others. On Friday, Trump held a million-dollar-a-plate, "Billionaires first, Americans last" fundraiser. And the day before, NYC Mayor Mamdani, with the help of AOC, released an adorbs video about his new free child care program. Which side are you on? Tough call.
The arrest of the U.K. rapist formerly known as Prince, and the echoing, trans-Atlantic edict that no one is above the law, lay ever-barer America's "true exceptionalism": A culture of immunity so corrosive our own heinous, in-his-fever-dreams "exonerated" Predator-In-Chief has enragingly yet to face any consequences for his manifold sins, crimes, cruelties and depravities, petty and profound. Finally, says Epstein survivor Maria Farmer, "(Let) all the dominoes of power and corruption begin to fall."
The stunning arrest by Thames Valley Police of "Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor" - notably, not "His Royal Highness," ”the Duke of York" or other niceties - on his 66th birthday was widely seen as not just an arrest but "a transfer of power," a possible, long- awaited shift in the tides for once-untouchable elites of the Epstein class that announces power and status may no longer keep them safe, at least outside the crooked U.S. Shortly after 8 a.m., police arrived in six unmarked vehicles at Wood Farm on King Charles’ Sandringham Estate to haul Andrew off; they also reportedly searched his former residence near Windsor Castle. The charge, "suspicion of misconduct in public office" - talk about your euphemisms - stems from Andrew's term as UK trade envoy from 2001 to 2011, when he allegedly shared with Jeffrey Epstein confidential government reports on potential investment opportunities from Vietnam, Singapore, China and Afghanistan.
The envoy gig mandates a "duty of confidentiality"; any "abuse of public trust" that uses public power as "private currency for self-serving or nefarious reasons" carries a maximum sentence of life in prison. (Just imagine what they'd make of the Trump cartel's brazen, perennial grifting.) Andrew, of course, has also been charged with raping outspoken Epstein victim Virginia Giuffre, who died by suicide last year at 41, which led to him being stripped of his royal titles before slinking out of public view. Regrettably, he never faced a rape charge in court due to several factors - a civil settlement with Giuffre, a high bar for conviction beyond a reasonable doubt, and other legal loopholes. Presumably for some Epstein victims, bringing Andrew to even a modicum of justice on the easier-to-prove misconduct in office charge may feel dispiriting, like nabbing the murderous Al Capone for tax evasion: Better than nothing, but not good enough.
Andrew's was the first arrest of a senior member of the British royal family in modern history. The last one arrested was King Charles I in 1647, following his defeat in the English Civil War by Parliamentarian forces; a believer in the divine right of kings, his tyrannical reign led to his imprisonment, trial for high treason, and beheading in 1649 - the moral arc of the universe moved faster then. After Andrew's arrest, his brother King Charles, who had received no warning beforehand, issued a statement on, not his bro but “Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor”; he expressed “deepest concern" but "whole-hearted support" for the investigation: "Let me state clearly: the law must take its course." Others cited the same probity. Prime Minister Keir Starmer: "No one is above the law.” The family of Virginia Giuffre: "No one is above the law, not even royalty." Heartbreakingly, they added, "For survivors everywhere, Virginia did this for you."
Waxing cautious about possible shifts in power, The Mirror’s Christopher Bucktin notes, "A birthday arrest should not stand alone as a rare spectacle. It should signal something larger: that no title, no fortune, no political office is sufficient armour against the law...Justice cannot stop at one imprisoned accomplice while others retreat behind legal teams and influence." A new report from the UN's Human Rights Council, which finds Epstein's wrongs "may reasonably meet the legal threshold of crimes against humanity," echoes him. Arguing the files' "credible evidence of systematic and large-scale sexual abuse, trafficking and exploitation" - thus contradicting the "little evidence" bullshit of our DOJ and FBI - it dismisses vapid calls to "move on" as "a failure of responsibility towards victims." Resignations alone aren't enough, it adds: "It is imperative that governments act decisively to hold perpetrators (criminally) accountable."
As further evidence "Epstein elites can't hide anymore" - except, yes, infuriatingly, here - active investigations of Epstein-related crimes in 16 countries are now sweeping up officials on both sex-trafficking and corruption charges; Canada will reportedly open the next one. In the UK, former ambassador to the U.S. Peter Mandelson was fired and is under investigation - oops, now arrest - for passing on financial info to Epstein; Starmer’s chief of staff, who appointed Mandelson, also resigned. In Norway, a former prime minister was charged with "gross corruption” for his Epstein ties, and two diplomats are being investigated. In France, so are a former Culture Minister, his daughter and a senior diplomat. Non-Epstein-related justice has also come for South Korea's former President Yoon Suk Yeol - a life sentence with hard labor for an insurrection - and Brazil's Bolsonaro, whose 2023 coup attempt got him 27 years, and no pardons.
"This is what accountability looks like," argues David Kurtz of Andrew's arrest and all the rest, which "sends a signal far beyond London - straight to Washington." What it proclaims: "If the King's own brother is not above the law, neither is the King's dinner guest, nor his Commerce Secretary." Infernally, the lesson has yet to be heeded in an America ruled by a two-bit, 34-count felon and rapist abetted by a cabal of flunkies managing a Mafia-style criminal regime with no bottom and a corrupt SCOTUS whose "out-of-thin-air immunity doctrine" has made him less accountable than actual royalty - spawning a nation "exceptional among developed nations solely in (its) unwillingness to hold the powerful to account, even in the most egregious cases." Confirming that stark reality was last week's unfurling, outside the DOJ, of a huge banner of Dear Leader, "an abomination and an outrage" straight-up declaring our alleged justice system "a pure creature of presidential whim, retribution and cover-up."
Meanwhile, despite Epstein files that "scream 'Guilty" - with his hideous name appearing over 38,000 times in 5,300 released files representing just 2-4% of the grisly whole - Trump had the chutzpah to respond to a question about the possible ripple effect at home of Andrew's arrest by professing, four times in 30 seconds, he's been "totally exonerated." "Well, you know, I'm the expert in a way, because I've been totally exonerated," he blustered, prattling on in toddler-ese. "I did nothin'. It’s very nice. I can actually speak about it very nicely. I think it’s a shame. I think it’s very sad. It’s very, very sad to me. It’s a very sad thing. To see it, and to see what’s going on with his brother. King. So I think it’s a very sad thing." Fucking Christ. Nope, wasn't me, nothing to see here, not a creep, all good, if sad. And not a word on the survivors. Appalled observers: "Guilty as fuck," "The man on my TV screen is batshit crazy," and, "I hope to live long enough to see this POS in a cell with an open toilet." Or maybe none?
Epstein’s carefully curated, now slowly splintering network of elites included billionaires, academics, politicians, scummy MAGA hangers-on like Steve Bannon - “Dude. You up??" - with culpability circling ever closer to Trump. A trove of damning evidence has surfaced, from the removal of 53 files bearing his name to journalist Roger Sollenberger's account of disappeared allegations in a civil complaint and FBI slideshow that the DOJ spoke four times to a Jane Doe who credibly charged she was forced to perform oral sex on Trump when she was about 14; when she bit down on his penis, she said he punched her in the head, kicked her out, and later raped her vaginally and anally. Experts say such emerging stories of abuse reveal a ghastly, familiar pattern; the latest, in Alaska, is "nothing short of horrifying." Thus does Masha Gessen argue that it's time for us to stop speaking of the Epstein story "as a story about extraordinary lawlessness. It is a story about ordinary lawlessness."
Dating back, in Trump's case, a savage lifetime. By now he's committed most of the crimes Thomas Jefferson charged King George with in the Declaration of Independence - ignored laws "necessary for the public good," sent "swarms of Officers to harass our people," kept "Standing Armies without Consent," altered "fundamentally the Forms of our Government," ravaging due process, free speech, health care, civil rights, history itself. The lies, deaths, grift, cruelty, unceasing assaults on decency. The "monstrous machine" to snatch up and spit out thousands of innocents - "¡Libertad!” - in concentration camps. The children trapped with cancer, measles, trauma: "Please get me out of here." Two-month old Juan Nicolás, unresponsive in Dilley, choking on his vomit, abruptly deported with his family to Mexico, tracked down and cared for thanks to "America's most relentless immigration reporter," because, "The story is rarely the policy - (it's) the person standing in the rubble of the policy."
Today, the two essential pillars of Trump's "fantasy version of nationalist renewal" - ethnic cleansing and tariffs - are both rubble, rejected by the public, the courts and even a corrupt SCOTUS, which enraged him so much he revived a cringe John Barron to rave about the "fools and lap dogs” who rejected his cherished tariffs and the imaginary hundreds of billions they brought in to make us '"the hottest country." The drek kept spewing. He praised lickspittles Thomas, Alito, Beer Keg Brett for "their strength and wisdom," especially Beer Keg, "for his, frankly, his genius." He respects them "because they not only dissented, their dissent is so strong. I'm very good at reading language and it read our way 100%...My thousands of victories...Like the wars I stopped. The Prime Minister of Pakistan said I saved 35 million lives by getting them to stop. That's -- and I did it largely with tariffs." He's vowed new tariffs, "and they can all be used in a much more powerful and obnoxious way." So much winning.
Also somewhere he asked the owner of "they made steel products" how he was, and the man said, "I'd love to kiss you," because "we were down to working one hour a week and then you came in and imposed tariffs (and) now we're going to double shifts seven days a week and maybe to 24 hours almost seven days a week, we're hiring people like we haven't - like I've never..." Trump: "Nobody's standing in (the) position I have as president had the insight, the courage, I don't know what it is. They're all pouring into the United States. But just like that great patriot said, Sir, what you've done, nobody thought was possible." As to "slimeball" Gorsuch and Coney Barret, they're "an embarrassment to their families" and were "swayed by foreign interests." Dems were intrigued: The Judiciary Committee's Jared Moskowitz felt he should find out more about them, and another Dem felt the next president "will have no choice but to replace all 9 members with new justices with no foreign entanglements."
On Saturday, the White House held the annual Governors' Dinner, designed to "build relationships and discuss things in a bipartisan way." Historically, the staid, candle-lit, black-tie affair - Melania wore $2,400 silver foil pants - can serve as a genial distraction from Congressional battles. In this rancorous moment, it was a shitshow - actors on both sides alternately called it "a farce" and "a glowing evening" - because after the Mad Hatter King uninvited two Dems, the only Black and only openly gay governor, Dems all boycotted it what became a MAGA ass-kissing fest. Trump used the moment to blame two Dem governors for a sewage spill in the Potomac River. "We have to clean up some mess Maryland and Virginia have left us," he snarled. "It's unbelievable what they can do with incompetence." The ruptured pipe is part of a D.C.-based, federally regulated utility under the oversight of the U.S. EPA. As to "mess," we hope to see this face replicated soon at home.
"It could go either way. There's no other way. You have other ways you can go. You don't have to go that way. You can go other way." - Donald J. Trump, lifelong sexual and financial predator and deeply, deeply shameful President of the United States of America

Not Our President's Day, thank God, has passed. Along with mattress sales, it was marked by many middle fingers in the air, a typically grotesque message from a tainted White House, and news that a massive, ill-fated, gold-leaf statue of the worst president in history, hilariously dubbed "Don Colossus," remains stranded on its back in an Ohio warehouse as its creator and a bunch of crooked crypto bros - surprise! no surprise! - back-stab and bicker about money. May he rot there, please.
The general sentiment around our latest National Holiday was best summed up by one post: "Happy Presidents Day. Except the current one. Fuck that guy." He didn't win any points by marking the day spewing the usual hateful vulgarity "in the creepiest way possible," declaring in a vengeful post, "They came after the wrong man. I was the hunted. Now I'm the hunter." He is also, of course, "one sick dude," old, dazed and confused with unprecedented low approval ratings, maybe because all he does is lie, bully, bribe, be bribed and in his gluttonous delusion insist, “We have the greatest economy actually ever in history” as he rips us off for billions by selling his name for hopeful airports and don't forget their trashy "clothing, handbags, luggage, jewelry, watches, and tie clips." Democracy dies in tie clips.
Now, in one final, loutish indignity, he - or at least a gaudy doppelgänger - is being held hostage in Zanesville OH for a $92,000 payment, having been both delayed and downgraded from a planned prime spot at his inauguration to his Doral golf course - specifically, the tenth hole. The statue saga began when sculptor Alan Cottrill, who's made about 400 figures on commission, including bronzes of 16 past presidents and a Thomas Edison now in the Capitol, got a call from an unknown Las Vegas sculptor asking if he'd like to make a statue commemorating Trump's brave ear being allegedly grazed in Butler, Pennsylvania - an "iconic" 2024 moment a consortium of 16 cryptocurrency enthusiasts deemed "a turning point in world history," also a cool chance to "show our appreciation of his embrace of crypto." LOL.
The original plan was to unveil a bronze, 15-foot, 2,400-pound Don Colossus, installed on a 6,000-pound concrete base, at Trump’s inauguration, positing it to loom over the National Mall. The roughly month-long timeline was tight - Cottrill had to work "crazy fast" - and he was to be paid $300,000. There were tough moments. When he replicated Trump's "turkey neck," the crypto boys were "aghast" and requested "a more flattering, less realistic look." The hardest part was the hair: "Holy shmoly! You can't sculpt and cast something that is....wispy." Still, he toiled away at it, and met the deadline. The night before one of the crypto clutch called: Temps had plunged, the Secret Service had moved Inauguration Day inside where a two-story rapist might pose a danger, and the new plan was to install Don later at his Doral resort.
The statue malingered in a warehouse in DC, then in another in Pittsburgh. Cottrill got paid over time, but "every payment arrived weeks late." In November, he approached his patrons with a shiny new idea: The bronze was burnished to look gold, but what if they coated it in Trump's beloved gold leaf? The proposal was "like a glass of water to a person dying of thirst - Immediately everybody jumped on board." But finding someone to work on a giant Trump statue proved tough; several declined the job "because of the subject matter" before someone agreed to slather it in a layer of 23.75-carat gold leaf. A photo was sent to the felon, who loved it - "Wow, it's so bright and beautiful" - a plan was formed to install the pedestal at "a juicy spot" near three palm trees at the 10th hole, and the crypto investors began "actively looking” for a launch date.
But Cottrill suddenly charged the crypto guys - who include Dustin Stockton, a GOP strategist investigated by federal agents for the "We Build The Wall" fraud Steve Bannon did time for - with copyright infringement, arguing they'd gone behind his back for months to promote their $PATRIOT cryptocurrency while marketing the statue: "That was their play all along." Instantly, the deal got bogged down in the volatile world of crypto, a meme coin only worth what current speculation makes of it; things got really messy when the gluttonous Trump, smelling money, launched his own $TRUMP coin days before his inauguration, hammering the $PATRIOT value before itself predictably tanking to over 95% below its peak. Still, and despite charges of massive conflict of interest, Trump has reportedly raked in $1.4 billion from this crap.
Meanwhile, Don Colossus is being held hostage in "financial purgatory" by Cottrill, who claims the crypto guys are both ripping him off and refusing to fork up their final payment. "They keep saying, 'Oh don’t worry Alan, we’ll pay you, we’ll pay you,' but actually they've been illegally infringing on the copyright of my original art right up to the present day." They're also continuing a bizarre social media campaign, posting images of the pedestal - all they have - with promos for their meme coin. "The dream is alive and well," they proclaim. "What the president has in store for the $PATRIOT community and his inner circle for this unveiling will surely be spectacular!" They say they hope to offer Trump one of Cottrill's earlier miniature versions, coated in the same gold finish; they'd love to have it placed in the Oval Bordello, along with all its trashy drek.
The crypto cartel argue they'll pay their final installment before Don "leaves for Doral," and Cottrill is "trying to squeeze us for it." But Cottrill says he already went to Doral a few weeks ago to install the base; he brought along a 12-inch version to scope out the site - "It was the only thing I could fit in my hand luggage" - and a landscape architect dug up and re-positioned the palm trees just so. "The gold leaf in the Florida sun - it’s going to be brilliant," he pledges. "But what they owe me is $91,200, and it's not leaving until they pay me." For all the aggravation, Cottrill says he's enjoyed working on the project. But it's taken up a lot of space in his studio for a long time, and now, "I'd like to get it the hell out of here." Many, many Americans can relate.
In what one sage deemed "amateur-hour, clown-fucker, reality-show dictatorship shit," this week's House hearings on ICE abuses, Epstein cover-ups and other GOP atrocities showcased a parade of rancid, lying, stonewalling MAGA lickspittles and deplorables - loudest among them sneering "bad acid trip come to life" Pam Bondi - facing off against a for-once united cohort of smart, angry, truth-telling Democrats with righteous history on their side and, finally, no fucks left to give. We are here for it.
Deep in his delusional bubble, the mad child-king ostensibly in charge of these evil cretins told Fox News Wednesday that Americans are living in "the greatest period of anything we’ve ever seen." Maybe he meant how he's been bravely standing up for a bridge he thinks Canada ripped us off for while forgetting he praised it when it was built, and paid for, by Canada. Or maybe it's 'cause in exchange for idiotically spending our money trying to prop up dirty, pricey, inefficient coal - "the 19th century called and it wants its fuel source back" - and glitching out en route, the "simplest mark of all time" got another shiny participation trophy as the “Undisputed Champion of Beautiful Clean Coal." "Lookit his happy face!" the Internet chortled. "The big special boy is so big and so special!" Also, "Marvel is running out of Superheroes" and "This is the saddest thing I've ever seen."
Possibly sadder is MAGA Reps. Andy Ogles and Mark Alford still melting down about Bad Bunny's "pure smut" half-time show wherein "children were forced to endure explicit displays of gay sexual acts" that are "illegal to be displayed on public airways" which is why he wants a Congressional inquiry into said "unspeakable depravities," though they might be confusing them with Epstein's, which they've notably ignored. Also sad is another bigly fail by US Attorney Jeanine Boxwine to get a grand jury indictment for fake crimes, in this case against Dem Sens. Mark Kelly and Elissa Slotkin and four Reps, all veterans, for their video reading the law out loud to remind military they have the right not to obey illegal orders. The kicker: Her attempt was so ludicrous that reportedly zero grand jurors thought she hit the famously low ham-sandwich bar for probable cause.
In this week's House hearings, it was clear Dem lawmakers, like the rest of us, had reached the famed point in 1954's McCarthy hearings when an appalled Joseph Welch, at the limit of his tolerance for McCarthy's lies and cruelty, exclaimed, "Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?" That fierce moral outrage, and the strength and clarity needed to vent it, has been evident in besieged Minnesota for weeks - In grand jurors' refusal to indict so-called "rioters,” in protesters' profane, hilarious anthem pillorying ICE Barbie, in neighbors seething at the masked, armed rabble that just caused a multi-vehicle crash in St.Paul, the latest in endless ICE crimes and transgressions. "Oh my God, you guys are so....evil. I can feel it, " railed one resident. "Jesus. Fucking incels, racists, murderers, thugs. What are you doing?!"
So it was that, in Tuesday's House Homeland Security Committee hearing, when acting ICE director Todd Lyons whined in his opening statement that "to say the men and women of ICE are Gestapo (is) wrong" and hurts their alleged feelings, Rep. Dan Goldman wasn't having it. "People are simply making valid observations about your tactics, which are un-American and outright fascist," he said. Goldman cited their racial profiling, asking people for their papers, use of excessive force and other forms of intimidation, likening them to Nazi/ Soviet regimes and shutting down Lyons' protestations as "unnecessary speaking." "I have a simple suggestion," Goldman said calmly. "If you don’t want to be called a fascist regime or a secret police, then stop acting like one." Tell it to power-mad, I-want-my-blankey ICE Barbie, reportedly fascisting it up big time over her goons. Jesus.
Other Dems minced no words. Rep. LaMonica McIver: "Mr. Lyons, do you consider yourself a religious man?" "Yes, Ma'am." "Well, how do you think Judgment Day will work for you with so much blood on your hands?" "I'm not gonna entertain that question." "Oh, ok, of course not. Do you think you’re going to hell, Mr. Lyons?" "I’m not gonna entertain that question." When the Chair chides her about "standards of decorum," she blithely notes, "Well, you guys are always talking about religion, so it's OK for me to just ask a question, right? Thank you, Mr. Chairman, I appreciate you." (Comment: "We need more Black women in Congress.") She goes on, "How many government agencies, Mr. Lyons, are you aware of that routinely kill American citizens and still get funding?” "Ma'am, I'm not gonna entertain that." "Of course you're not. This is exactly why we should not be funding this agency...The people are watching you."
And so it went. Quoting Lyons' earlier testimony he "wanted to see a deportation process like Amazon Prime, but with human beings," Eric Swalwell asked, "How many times has Amazon Prime shot a mom 3 times in the face?" "None," said Lyons, lamely noting he meant it "needs to be more efficient" and he'd added, "we deal with humans so we can't be like them." Swalwell, coolly, "Speaking of humans, how many times has Amazon Prime shot a nurse 10 times in the back?” Online, commenters clarified, "Obviously, Amazon Prime doesn't shoot you in the face. You have to pay for Amazon Prime Plus to get that level of service," though, "you'll still get ads unless you step up to Premium, and you'll have to pay for the ammo." From another, "Is this the first time Amazon has been used as the good guy in a comparison? Fuck him up."
Rep.Delia Ramirez ripped Lyons: "My mother, a Guatemalan immigrant and (finger in air) an American taught me I have a responsibility to look evil in the eye and you have used your power to perpetrate great evil, and it's time you answer to this committee for the lawlessness you have empowered." She named Good, Pretti, Marimar Martinez - "Do something bitch" - and myriad other crimes: 100 court orders violated, dozens of tear-gas attacks despite a court order, banned chokeholds, warrantless arrests, 3,800 children in detention, roving patrols, plate switching, observer intimidation. On ICE demands to "respect the mission": "I have as much respect for you as I do for the last white men who put on masks to terrorize communities of color... the inheritors of the Klanhood and the slave patrol. Their activities were immoral and criminal, and so are yours."
Wednesday, A.G. Pam Bondi appeared before the House Judiciary Committee in a rabid attempt to make them forget her months of covering up the Epstein files, missing deadlines, redacting perps, releasing survivors' names and otherwise ignoring them by "shouting, lying and being a cold bitch." Over five hours, in "an astonishingly contemptuous performance," she failed to answer a single question. Acting out "a sociopathic tween," she shrieked, veered, lied, argued, sniped, stonewalled, deflected, rolled her eyes and mean-girled through a book of scripted smears at Dems daring to seek accountability: "Insolent, Shouty Brat Brings Burn Book To Congress." She was "a nasty piece of work," a "demented skank," a "Nazi redneck bleach blond Barbie," a "historic villain" who once vowed to "put human trafficking monsters (behind) bars" and will now be shunned "in every room she ever walks into for the rest of her life," to die "as a disbarred lawyer and a national disgrace...Her cheese has slid off her cracker."
She was snippy queen of the frantic non-sequiturs, with "an unmistakable stench of desperation" in her tantrums. When Jerry Nadler asked how many Epstein perps she's indicted - zero, duh - she raved, "You all should be apologizing. You sit here and you attack the President, and I am not going to have it." Then she wildly pivoted - what child rape? - yelling, "The Dow is over 50,000, the S&P at almost 7,000, the NASDAQ is smashing records, Americans’ 401(k)s are booming. That’s what we should be talking about." WTF. When Zoe Lofgren asked her about redacting traffickers' names, she sneered, "I find it interesting she keeps going after President Trump, the greatest president in American history. She didn't say how much money she took from Reid Hoffman, did she?" Asked about Ludnick's ties to Epstein, she bickered, "what is ties?", scowled "shame on you," scoffed, "I'm stunned you want to keep talking."
Jamie Raskin, the Committee's Ranking Member, repeatedly called bullshit: "You can filibuster all you want, but not on our time. The way it works is, we ask you a question, you answer it. I warned you at the outset of this hearing." Bondi exploded. "You don't TELL ME anything,” she shrieked. “You’re a washed-up, loser lawyer." Then, mad-Lady-Macbeth-like, she muttered, "You’re not even a lawyer." (Raskin, a graduate of Harvard Law School and former editor of Harvard Law Review, is a longtime professor of Constitutional law at American University, and has written several books.) Unflappable, Raskin coolly accused her of running an Epstein cover-up of "staggering incompetence." "You've turned the people's Department of Justice into Trump’s instrument of revenge,” he charged. “Trump orders up prosecutions like pizza, and you deliver every time."
Bondi blocked questions from Becca Balint with smears against Merrick Garland - Balint: "Weak sauce" - then with charges of anti-Semitism. Balint, whose grandparents were killed in the Holocaust: "You want to go there?! Really?!" Ted Lieu asked if Trump attended parties with underage girls; Bondi rolled her eyes. "This is so ridiculous," she said. "They are trying to deflect from all the great things Donald Trump has done. There is no evidence he has committed a crime. Everyone knows that." Lieu: "I believe you just lied under oath, which is a crime." Bondi, screaming, "Don't you ever accuse me of committing a crime!" Jared Moskowitz noted Trump's name appears over a million times in the Epstein files, "more than God's name in the book about God." Grinning, he mused about her Burn Book zingers: "I'm curious. Just flip to Moskowitz. Because we’re in the Olympics, I’m going to give it a grade. Give me your best one. Whaddya got?"
With almost a dozen Epstein survivors sitting behind Bondi in the hearing room, Pramila Jayapal asked them to stand and raise their hands if they'd tried and failed to meet with DOJ officials. They all did. She asked Bondi to turn around and apologize; Bondi stood her ground: "I'm not going to get in the gutter with this woman and her theatrics." Noting an earlier claim that any victim who wants to talk to the DOJ has done so, Dan Goldman took up her quest. He asked how many had met with the DOJ: None. How many had reached out asking to: All. Of those who reached out, how many were ignored: All. And despite "their shameful, despicable efforts to intimidate," how many are still willing to talk to them? All. Bondi, still sitting, still hating, still steadfastly unperturbed, breezily flips her fake blond hair back, gazing into space.
Jasmine Crockett declined to "ask any questions of this witness because (she) has no intention of answering them." She turned to Ballint. "Right or wrong? Raping children." Ballint: "Wrong." "Killing random citizens." "Wrong." Etc. Crockett: "OK, thank you. I never woulda got that from our witness, who is somehow a lawyer but doesn't understand how it works with witnesses. I'm not sure what law school you went to (Stetson)... but you don’t seem very good at your job...Americans are looking for answers (not) protecting pedophiles and creeps. You will be remembered as one of the worst Attorney Generals in history." Bondi cuts in to rave about immigrants convicted of crimes in Texas. Crocket cuts her off: "CONVICTED! So what we talkin’ about? Convict some of these perpetrators who raped these women sitting behind you that you won’t even acknowledge are here!” She stalks out. Bondi is still babbling about Hakeem Jeffries and some money.
Observers were aghast at the wretched Bondi spectacle. Online, one older woman conceded "I'm sure this will get taken down" but spoke her mind for all of us: "Bondi is an absolute cunt, and needs to rot in prison for the rest of her life. What an evil evil woman. My God." Trump loved it: Bondi was "fantastic." John Pavlovitz, pastor and father, looked on at her "masterclass in gaslighting," and wondered, "How does someone become Pam Bondi?" He muses about "the meandering road to losing one's soul...so completely bereft of empathy, so seemingly unencumbered by other people’s suffering, and so strident in the face of simple accountability." As someone's daughter, he writes, "I'm sure there’s a story you have to tell yourself to keep the self-loathing at bay and let you sleep at night...I hope whatever you got for your soul was worth it to you. It sure as hell isn’t for the rest of us."
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